For those of you that really know me, you know that I have issues with telling people no, especially friends. It makes me extremely happy to be able to help someone out and to make their life more enjoyable or easier. However, in the quest to show God's love to everyone, I often get trampled on and taken advantage of. I blame no one for this except myself. I have got to learn to say no when it interferes with my family or even just starts to wear me out. That's something I've been working on for a couple years now, but for some reason or other the word "no" does not find it's way out of my mouth very easily. Where this really starts to become a problem for me is when people just expect me to step in and do something. Instead of asking, it's more of a "here's what I need from you" statement. Maybe because I'm very independent, see next paragraph, I prefer to be asked for helped and not told to help. I also get frustrated when I start to realize that what I'm doing isn't really appreciated, but expected. I sometimes feel like the go to girl because after a while people realize I have a hard time saying no. I've recently come to the conclusion that the things that get to me the most are the things I know a person is capable of, but would just rather have someone else do because that someone else, namely me in this blog, won't say no for fear of hurting feelings or making them mad. I've always been that way since I can remember. Side note: Since my memory isn't that good, I would say this pertains mostly to my adult life.
Also, if you know me well, you will know that I am a girl who is very independent and I do not ask for help unless I absolutely can not do it myself, like changing a tire. hehe However, after I recently needed that ability, (I really appreciate my friend and her husband for this. It wasn't easy asking for help, but I had no other choice.) I have decided to have my husband teach me how as soon as he gets home. I don't like having to rely on anyone for anything. The only exception to that is my husband, but that's what we are suppose to do as husband and wife, rely on each other. Of course that all goes out the window during deployments since he's not here.
I do have a point to all of this and there is a reason I even bring it up at all. We started a new series at church today entitled "Boundaries, Freeing the Real You". As much as I love our guest speakers, I'm so glad Pastor Norman was speaking today. I could sit and listen to him for hours. Sometimes I'm a little disappointed when service comes to an end because I just want him to keep talking. This morning, during portions of his sermon, he was talking directly to me. It was definitely no coincidence I was there, It was all God. He had something for me to hear. I had good friends on either side of me this morning and they both looked over at me as soon as Pastor started speaking. They too, knew that Pastor was speaking directly to me.
The part that was for me, was about how we all have boundaries. Bear with me because my memory isn't so great as to use Pastor's words and his words were perfect. Mine will certainly be less than mediocre compared to his, plus I'm only talking about the portions that I really needed to hear today, but here it goes... God has this line set in front of us that should not be crossed or compromised. One of his main points was that "We often compromise due to the fear of rejection, aloneness and dis-connection." Honestly, I always felt that I would say yes to everyone because I simply wanted to make others happy. However, after today, I'm thinking maybe it is more of a fear of making someone mad at me. He went on to say that "We stay connected to others by pleasing God first. All else follows." Matthew 6:33 says "But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given unto you as well." As I am sitting here thinking that over, I think that by compromising the boundaries that we as individuals have, we are not seeking God first. When we cross the boundary we end up turning bitter, having resentment, and eventually disconnect from the person we crossed our boundary for. Those are not feelings that we should have when seeking God first. God is a loving God and if we're doing what He has planned for us and seeking his direction for our lives, we will not have those bitter, resentful feelings. Those feelings only come to us from the enemy. I for one do not want to let the enemy have any control over my feelings.
The concluding statement of this message for me, is what Pastor said at the end. "Establish a healthy, secure "yes" and a healthy, secure "no". "Simply let your 'Yes' be 'Yes' and your 'No' be 'No' be 'No' ; anything beyond that comes from the evil one." (Matthew 5:37) That's what I intend to do from now on. I can't do it alone, but I know that God is right here beside me and He will help me accomplish this much needed goal. Thank you God for being a loving God who forgives me for turning bitter. Thank you for helping me to turn from my old ways so that I can be a better example of what it's like to have a personal relationship with you!
Out with the "Old Me" in with the "New"!
