I'm usually that girl that can make myself hold it together in most circumstances. I don't like to show emotion, I hate for people to see me cry, and I prefer people to think that I'm always doing just fine. Usually that just works for me and I'm sure to some extent I'll always be that way. That's just who I am. This weekend however, I've been really having a hard time holding it together. Not an easy thing for me to admit and if you were to walk up to me and ask, I would tell you we're doing great. If I'm doing great there's no reason to cry, no reason to be angry, no reason to show any emotion other than happiness. I don't think emotions are a weakness by any means, but I prefer to be happy so I force myself to be. Unfortunately, happiness is not at the front of my mind right now.
This past weekend I learned that a very good friend of ours, more like family to us, was injured in Afghanistan. I'm not going to include any details because it's not my place, but this affected me more than I could have ever thought. I know being married to a soldier and having so many military friends that it's a possibility for something to happen to someone I love, but knowing that and having it become reality are two different things. It's not something anyone can prepare themselves for. After six years of military life and two full deployments behind us, I haven't personally known any soldier that has been injured or worse. Maybe it made the back of my mind a little naive to think that anything could happen to someone I love. Reality really hits hard when it does. These emotions come to the surface that I couldn't suppress no matter how hard I try. I haven't even told our kids yet because I can't hold it together enough. I know how much they love him and it's going to really hit them hard too. Plus I don't want this to worry them even more about their daddy being gone. This is an occasion when I'm going to have to Fully Rely On God to give me the words to explain this to them. I'm going to have to pray that He can make our kids understand and that He can bring peace to their hearts, as well as mine and my husbands. What's worse is that my husband and I don't have each other to lean on right now. I know as a soldier he is fully aware of the risks, not only to himself but his friends. I also know how close he is to this soldier and that he's also hurting inside. I would give anything to be there for him and to hold him close. It makes it that much harder for me that it's impossible for me to be there. This is just another instance when I have to Fully Rely On God to comfort him and to bring peace to his heart. I believe that God allows things to happen to us for a reason and that He will always bring us through it if we turn to Him. I know that God has bigger and brighter plans for our friend and I Fully Rely On God to take care of our friend and to help him recover. No matter how much I wish I could be there next to my friend, my husband, and even my children and to make it all better, I do know the best thing I can do is to turn it all over to God and let him take control of everything. There really isn't anything I can do about any of it no matter how much I wish there was. The best thing to do is to let go and let God.
On top of all of this tonight my daughter got her heart broken once again. All she wanted to do was play with her friends and once again I found her sitting outside crying. It just breaks my heart that this happens to her every time she goes out to play. She tries so hard to play with everyone and to be friends with everyone, but it seems that's just not possible and it only gets her feelings hurts. She's frequently been told "If you're my friend you can't be her friend", "If you play with her I won't like you anymore", "Play with me or I won't be your friend"... You get the picture. I've even personally heard one of the girls out my window saying mean things to another one of her friends about my daughter, but then she went and denied it to her mom. That wasn't too long after we moved in so I let it go and didn't want to start anything as the new family in the neighborhood. I try and try to just stay out of it and let them work it out because how else will they learn. My thinking was that if I continually step in that would only make it worse and it would make my girls think they can always rely on me to make it better instead of learning how to deal with it on their own. I won't always be there to make it better so they have to learn. Tonight was the last straw for me. After over a year of dealing with this, I'm completely and utterly done with it. I'm so thankful for a daughter that can forgive and forget and go right out and play some more, but a person shouldn't have to deal with the same thing over and over. Forgiving doesn't mean you have to go and put yourself right back into that same situation time and time again. It's time for her to move on. It makes it that much harder that she gets along with most of them but when one specific kid comes out everything falls apart. It seems everyone competes to be her friend. She's the one I heard being mean so I just can't figure all of that out. I'm sad that my daughter will have to stay inside or go somewhere else to play because she treasures her friends, but enough is enough and it's time this ends. God will bring other friends into her life that will treat her with kindness no matter the situation. I just have to Fully Rely On God to help her understand and to help her make the right choices. I believe that God brings people into our lives for a reason or a season. Some become true forever friends and sometimes it's intended for us to move on. It's a hard lesson for a little girl to learn, but God will guide her through.
As your reading this, please take a minute to say a prayer for our friend, for my husband, for my kids, and even for me. I'm going to choose to go to bed tonight counting all my blessings and praising God for everything in our lives, including our heartache and trials. There's a reason behind it all and this too shall pass. God is good all the time and He will never change!
Monday, June 27, 2011
Friday, June 24, 2011
Fun Filled Week
This week has been amazing. I'm once again reminded of how blessed I am to have so many friends from so many different places. I can only hope I will retain all the information I've learned this week from my friends stories.
On Sunday I had the privilege of spending time with a friend from my childhood. She has been living in the Philippines for the past two years as a missionary, teaching young children among other things. She was passing through Hawaii on her way home to the mainland. We picked her up for church Sunday morning and spent much of the afternoon with her. We went to see the turtles at Turtle Beach, and of course we had to stop at Matsumoto's for shave ice. I probably drove her crazy with all my questions, but she didn't seem to mind at all. Her stories about living in the Philippines were very interesting. I learned so much about their culture and what living there was like for her. What an amazing experience she had. Thanks for sharing the day with us my friend and for sharing your experiences with us!
Monday, the kids and I spent the day in Waikiki with a friend. We started off with some volcano nachos and a fabulous brownie ice cream desert at Jimmy Buffet's. We spent the next few hours just walking around and having a good old time. I don't think I've laughed that much since before my husband left almost 3 months ago. We're definitely going to have to do that more often!
Another highlight of our week was having some friends of ours from TX stop by on their way to Samoa. We met them at the church we went to in Killeen. The husband is from Samoa so they were on their way to visit with his family for a while. We picked them up Wed evening and had the privilege of their company till just this morning. We spent yesterday at the Lagoons, along with another friend we met at our Killeen church who is from here. The kids had a great time playing together and had a few adventures of their own. They caught a few little fish with a net and got to see a sea urchin and sea cucumber up close and personal. Shay came walking up to us with a big sea urchin in her hand. The husband had found it and handed it to her. She had no idea it was a living sea creature. When she had gotten up to where we were sitting it started to move and scared her silly. She threw it on the ground and screamed. It was so funny. Next thing we knew, Tristan came walking up to us with a big slimy sea cucumber. I was pretty surprised that he was willing to hold it, as disgusting as it was. After everyone had a chance to feel them and poke at them, the kids took them back to the water. After a short nights sleep I had to drop them off this morning to catch their flight on into Samoa. It was go good to catch up with friends and during their stay I learned a lot about Samoan culture. I'm looking forward to spending more time with them next month as they pass back through on their way home to the mainland.
It was a late night last night and an early morning this morning so I'm going to go lay down for a bit. Two of my kids are sleeping and it looks like the other one will soon be joining them.
Trinity, We miss you baby and wish you were here with us. We can't wait to have you home. We love you sooooo much!
On Sunday I had the privilege of spending time with a friend from my childhood. She has been living in the Philippines for the past two years as a missionary, teaching young children among other things. She was passing through Hawaii on her way home to the mainland. We picked her up for church Sunday morning and spent much of the afternoon with her. We went to see the turtles at Turtle Beach, and of course we had to stop at Matsumoto's for shave ice. I probably drove her crazy with all my questions, but she didn't seem to mind at all. Her stories about living in the Philippines were very interesting. I learned so much about their culture and what living there was like for her. What an amazing experience she had. Thanks for sharing the day with us my friend and for sharing your experiences with us!
Monday, the kids and I spent the day in Waikiki with a friend. We started off with some volcano nachos and a fabulous brownie ice cream desert at Jimmy Buffet's. We spent the next few hours just walking around and having a good old time. I don't think I've laughed that much since before my husband left almost 3 months ago. We're definitely going to have to do that more often!
Another highlight of our week was having some friends of ours from TX stop by on their way to Samoa. We met them at the church we went to in Killeen. The husband is from Samoa so they were on their way to visit with his family for a while. We picked them up Wed evening and had the privilege of their company till just this morning. We spent yesterday at the Lagoons, along with another friend we met at our Killeen church who is from here. The kids had a great time playing together and had a few adventures of their own. They caught a few little fish with a net and got to see a sea urchin and sea cucumber up close and personal. Shay came walking up to us with a big sea urchin in her hand. The husband had found it and handed it to her. She had no idea it was a living sea creature. When she had gotten up to where we were sitting it started to move and scared her silly. She threw it on the ground and screamed. It was so funny. Next thing we knew, Tristan came walking up to us with a big slimy sea cucumber. I was pretty surprised that he was willing to hold it, as disgusting as it was. After everyone had a chance to feel them and poke at them, the kids took them back to the water. After a short nights sleep I had to drop them off this morning to catch their flight on into Samoa. It was go good to catch up with friends and during their stay I learned a lot about Samoan culture. I'm looking forward to spending more time with them next month as they pass back through on their way home to the mainland.
It was a late night last night and an early morning this morning so I'm going to go lay down for a bit. Two of my kids are sleeping and it looks like the other one will soon be joining them.
Trinity, We miss you baby and wish you were here with us. We can't wait to have you home. We love you sooooo much!
Saturday, June 11, 2011
My "Thing"
I'm not as faithful to this blog as I had intentionally planned in the beginning. During my husbands first deployment, I wrote to him every single night. For 9 months, that was the duration of his first deployment, I didn't miss even one single night. Our kids were younger then and required more attention than they do now so I figured that since I could do it then, I could do it now. Apparently, things have changed and that's just not my "thing" this deployment. There seems to be a "thing" every deployment that gets me through, but no two deployments are the same. The only thing that remains the same is prayer. Those other things are really just time passers. Prayer is the true "thing" that gets me through a deployment. God has a way of easing my mind and keeping the worry from overtaking my thoughts and driving me to insanity. I can't explain it, but God just gives me a sense of peace that truly transcends all understanding. I don't even want to imagine the feeling of worry and fear that would likely overtake my mind if it weren't for the mercy and grace of God.
As for my "things"... As I said, the first deployment was the letters. I also made sure to pack up a flat rate box every payday with goodies for my soldier, as well as his buddies. Along with that, I never once took off my husbands dog tags. I wore them to sleep, in the shower, to the pool, seriously I NEVER took them off. I put them on the day he boarded that ugly white bus and they didn't come off until the day the glorious white bus brought him back to me. I was so happy to shed those tags and hand them back over to my baby. The last thing of material significance was a jacket he hadn't put in the closet before he left. He left it hanging on the back of one the dining room chairs. That bright yellow jacket was on the back of the same chair he left it on when he walked through the door 9 months later. It never left that spot. Oh, and I almost forgot, I wore one of his pt shirts, along with a pair of his flag colored pj pants to bed every night. Yes people I did wash them. HeHe The most important thing, as I mentioned before, were my constant prayers. Looking back, I remember being faithful to pray every morning as I woke up and every night as I went to bed. In between that I focused on being busy to pass the time away. I also remember thoughts of worry frequently crossing my mind as I tried battling them on my own. It didn't instantaneously cross my mind that if I would just ask God to take the thoughts away and replace them with positive thoughts I would feel so much better. I did make it through the "short deployment turned long" and I know that despite trying to get through my days on my own, God was still there.
To explain the short turned long statement, the deployment initially started out as a 6 month deployment. My husband's unit was a support unit that did 6 months gone and 6 months home. It was a continuous cycle like that. However, this happened to be the unit's 5th deployment, our first, and things were changing. As I remember, we all know my memory isn't well so I could have the time frame a little off, we had around 2 months to go when rumors started circulating that they were getting extended. All of my Army friends know that rumors run rampid especially during a deployment. With it being my first I really didn't know what to expect to come of it. Just over a month before we were expecting our soldiers home, we got officially word that they had indeed been extended for another 3 months. I can't remember what I was feeling at that point, disappointment I'm sure. Looking back now though, 9 months is nothing and it actually turned out to be a blessing in disguise. Our unit didn't get R&R because of the short length of time they were gone and when my husband got back we realized that we could go 9 months without seeing each other and survive just fine. Now, when facing a year apart, we are confident from the beginning that we can do 9 months without R&R. That makes the second part after R&R seem like a piece of cake. Three months left after R&R is nothing. By the time he boards the plane to go back, he's stepping back off the plane for good in no time flat. That's just more proof that God has motives behind everything we face in life. Whether we like the circumstances or not, God will turn it all around for good.
So, back to my "things". The second deployment wasn't as dramatic as the first. I still wrote to him, though not every night. I still sent him boxes of goodies, though not every payday. I still wore his dog tags, though I did take them off for special occasions when they looked silly with a dress and at the pool when they tend to get so hot they feel like they are burning your skin. Of course I didn't wear them when he was home on R&R either. The one item that stayed where it was the whole deployment was a coin bottle that was sitting on top of the fridge. I hated that big ugly bottle, but it was a reminder of my husband. He put it there and it was going to be there when he got home. He had to come home because that ugly thing had to eventually be moved out of my sight. HeHe Looking at it while he was gone made me smile though. I also still wore his pt shirts at night along with his pj pants, though some nights I would wear a different pair of his pj pants instead of the flag ones. Again, I would pray for him every night before bed and every morning when I got up. This deployment was a little different during the day though. I would find myself unintentionally being reminded throughout the day that I needed to say a prayer for him. When I would start to feel lonely or feel any degree of worry, God would remind me to say a prayer for my husband which in turn made me feel so much better. The worry was less intense and happened less often during this deployment. It had to be God's intervention.
Here we are just 2 months into our third deployment. This one is so much different in so many ways. The one materialistic constant is that I still wear his pt shirts at night. In fact, after I left I noticed there were more left here than normal. I mentioned that to him last month and he said he already knew that. He had left extra shirts at home just for me. I know it's a little thing, but it's the little things that make me feel so loved. Just that he thought of that and was thinking of me brought me happiness. As for the letters and care packages, they aren't getting sent out quite as often as last deployment. My goal was to send a card or letter at least once a week, but time seems to slip away and that hasn't been happening. As for packages, they can get costly. We have financial goals set and those goals will be near impossible to reach if I send a box every payday. I always use flat rate boxes and you'd be surprised, if you aren't a military wife, how much stuff you can cram into one of those boxes. When I send a box I make sure it's packed tight. If there's room for another pack of gum, I'm running to the store to get some so there's no wasted space in the box. I'm going to make it worth the shipping cost. On top of that, even a pack of gum these days isn't the cost it use to be and if you're buying it in Hawaii, you can be sure it's even more. Anyhow, my husband knows I love him and that I think of him constantly even if he's not receiving mail every day. He also knows I'm just a phone call away, or computer call, if he wants to talk. I'm getting off track again. This deployment, he left a pair of sunglasses sitting on top of the cabinet in the dining room and a pair of swim trunks are hanging on the towel rack in our bathroom. Yes, they are clean. Those are the items that will still be in the same place when he gets home. As for prayer, I now pray constantly. Every morning, every night, and all day long. I don't wait for those lonely or worry moments. In fact, I can count on one hand all the times that a worry moment has even crept up on me. God is constantly reassuring me that everything is going to be okay. Deployments are no fun, anyway you look at it, but this one has been so much easier. I know, just because I believe and trust, but also by looking back to my previous experiences, that it most certainly is God who is in control. No just of the situation, but of how I deal with the situation. The more I turn to God, the more He shows Himself to me. It's just amazing!
I miss my husband more than I could put into words, but something greater is going to come out of this deployment. Something that will make me look back and thank God for putting me in this situation. I can only speculate at this point and say that maybe it's the closer relationship I have formed with Him, maybe it's the friendships I have formed here that are becoming stronger because of the deployment, maybe it's all of that along with something I just don't know about yet. I'm quite certain of the first two reasons actually, but I really think there's going to be more to it. This year long journey has just begun so only time will tell. Until then I will keep praying continuously and I will simply trust God to take care of my husband and to get our kids and I through the next year with smiles still wide across our faces the whole time.
After all is said is done, we all have our things that we do to get through a deployment. They are things that remind us of our spouse or keep our minds busy or pass the time away. To me, all of these things are just that, they are things. They are my attempt to feel closer to my husband. My attempt to feel like I'm doing something for him. My attempt to keep reminders around me that reassure me he is coming home safe. After all is said and done though, I would have to say that the one constant that has and always will truly get me through a deployment, or any other situation for that matter, has to be God. God isn't going to fall out of sight if the sunglasses happen to fall off of the cabinet. He isn't going to take a vacation if a letter or package doesn't get mailed. He's not going to desert my husband or I if I fall asleep at night before changing into my husband's pt shirt. He's going to be right beside both of us and He will show his presence in our lives simply because we want Him to, simply because He loves us that much!
As for my "things"... As I said, the first deployment was the letters. I also made sure to pack up a flat rate box every payday with goodies for my soldier, as well as his buddies. Along with that, I never once took off my husbands dog tags. I wore them to sleep, in the shower, to the pool, seriously I NEVER took them off. I put them on the day he boarded that ugly white bus and they didn't come off until the day the glorious white bus brought him back to me. I was so happy to shed those tags and hand them back over to my baby. The last thing of material significance was a jacket he hadn't put in the closet before he left. He left it hanging on the back of one the dining room chairs. That bright yellow jacket was on the back of the same chair he left it on when he walked through the door 9 months later. It never left that spot. Oh, and I almost forgot, I wore one of his pt shirts, along with a pair of his flag colored pj pants to bed every night. Yes people I did wash them. HeHe The most important thing, as I mentioned before, were my constant prayers. Looking back, I remember being faithful to pray every morning as I woke up and every night as I went to bed. In between that I focused on being busy to pass the time away. I also remember thoughts of worry frequently crossing my mind as I tried battling them on my own. It didn't instantaneously cross my mind that if I would just ask God to take the thoughts away and replace them with positive thoughts I would feel so much better. I did make it through the "short deployment turned long" and I know that despite trying to get through my days on my own, God was still there.
To explain the short turned long statement, the deployment initially started out as a 6 month deployment. My husband's unit was a support unit that did 6 months gone and 6 months home. It was a continuous cycle like that. However, this happened to be the unit's 5th deployment, our first, and things were changing. As I remember, we all know my memory isn't well so I could have the time frame a little off, we had around 2 months to go when rumors started circulating that they were getting extended. All of my Army friends know that rumors run rampid especially during a deployment. With it being my first I really didn't know what to expect to come of it. Just over a month before we were expecting our soldiers home, we got officially word that they had indeed been extended for another 3 months. I can't remember what I was feeling at that point, disappointment I'm sure. Looking back now though, 9 months is nothing and it actually turned out to be a blessing in disguise. Our unit didn't get R&R because of the short length of time they were gone and when my husband got back we realized that we could go 9 months without seeing each other and survive just fine. Now, when facing a year apart, we are confident from the beginning that we can do 9 months without R&R. That makes the second part after R&R seem like a piece of cake. Three months left after R&R is nothing. By the time he boards the plane to go back, he's stepping back off the plane for good in no time flat. That's just more proof that God has motives behind everything we face in life. Whether we like the circumstances or not, God will turn it all around for good.
So, back to my "things". The second deployment wasn't as dramatic as the first. I still wrote to him, though not every night. I still sent him boxes of goodies, though not every payday. I still wore his dog tags, though I did take them off for special occasions when they looked silly with a dress and at the pool when they tend to get so hot they feel like they are burning your skin. Of course I didn't wear them when he was home on R&R either. The one item that stayed where it was the whole deployment was a coin bottle that was sitting on top of the fridge. I hated that big ugly bottle, but it was a reminder of my husband. He put it there and it was going to be there when he got home. He had to come home because that ugly thing had to eventually be moved out of my sight. HeHe Looking at it while he was gone made me smile though. I also still wore his pt shirts at night along with his pj pants, though some nights I would wear a different pair of his pj pants instead of the flag ones. Again, I would pray for him every night before bed and every morning when I got up. This deployment was a little different during the day though. I would find myself unintentionally being reminded throughout the day that I needed to say a prayer for him. When I would start to feel lonely or feel any degree of worry, God would remind me to say a prayer for my husband which in turn made me feel so much better. The worry was less intense and happened less often during this deployment. It had to be God's intervention.
Here we are just 2 months into our third deployment. This one is so much different in so many ways. The one materialistic constant is that I still wear his pt shirts at night. In fact, after I left I noticed there were more left here than normal. I mentioned that to him last month and he said he already knew that. He had left extra shirts at home just for me. I know it's a little thing, but it's the little things that make me feel so loved. Just that he thought of that and was thinking of me brought me happiness. As for the letters and care packages, they aren't getting sent out quite as often as last deployment. My goal was to send a card or letter at least once a week, but time seems to slip away and that hasn't been happening. As for packages, they can get costly. We have financial goals set and those goals will be near impossible to reach if I send a box every payday. I always use flat rate boxes and you'd be surprised, if you aren't a military wife, how much stuff you can cram into one of those boxes. When I send a box I make sure it's packed tight. If there's room for another pack of gum, I'm running to the store to get some so there's no wasted space in the box. I'm going to make it worth the shipping cost. On top of that, even a pack of gum these days isn't the cost it use to be and if you're buying it in Hawaii, you can be sure it's even more. Anyhow, my husband knows I love him and that I think of him constantly even if he's not receiving mail every day. He also knows I'm just a phone call away, or computer call, if he wants to talk. I'm getting off track again. This deployment, he left a pair of sunglasses sitting on top of the cabinet in the dining room and a pair of swim trunks are hanging on the towel rack in our bathroom. Yes, they are clean. Those are the items that will still be in the same place when he gets home. As for prayer, I now pray constantly. Every morning, every night, and all day long. I don't wait for those lonely or worry moments. In fact, I can count on one hand all the times that a worry moment has even crept up on me. God is constantly reassuring me that everything is going to be okay. Deployments are no fun, anyway you look at it, but this one has been so much easier. I know, just because I believe and trust, but also by looking back to my previous experiences, that it most certainly is God who is in control. No just of the situation, but of how I deal with the situation. The more I turn to God, the more He shows Himself to me. It's just amazing!
I miss my husband more than I could put into words, but something greater is going to come out of this deployment. Something that will make me look back and thank God for putting me in this situation. I can only speculate at this point and say that maybe it's the closer relationship I have formed with Him, maybe it's the friendships I have formed here that are becoming stronger because of the deployment, maybe it's all of that along with something I just don't know about yet. I'm quite certain of the first two reasons actually, but I really think there's going to be more to it. This year long journey has just begun so only time will tell. Until then I will keep praying continuously and I will simply trust God to take care of my husband and to get our kids and I through the next year with smiles still wide across our faces the whole time.
After all is said is done, we all have our things that we do to get through a deployment. They are things that remind us of our spouse or keep our minds busy or pass the time away. To me, all of these things are just that, they are things. They are my attempt to feel closer to my husband. My attempt to feel like I'm doing something for him. My attempt to keep reminders around me that reassure me he is coming home safe. After all is said and done though, I would have to say that the one constant that has and always will truly get me through a deployment, or any other situation for that matter, has to be God. God isn't going to fall out of sight if the sunglasses happen to fall off of the cabinet. He isn't going to take a vacation if a letter or package doesn't get mailed. He's not going to desert my husband or I if I fall asleep at night before changing into my husband's pt shirt. He's going to be right beside both of us and He will show his presence in our lives simply because we want Him to, simply because He loves us that much!
Sunday, June 5, 2011
Finding My "No"
For those of you that really know me, you know that I have issues with telling people no, especially friends. It makes me extremely happy to be able to help someone out and to make their life more enjoyable or easier. However, in the quest to show God's love to everyone, I often get trampled on and taken advantage of. I blame no one for this except myself. I have got to learn to say no when it interferes with my family or even just starts to wear me out. That's something I've been working on for a couple years now, but for some reason or other the word "no" does not find it's way out of my mouth very easily. Where this really starts to become a problem for me is when people just expect me to step in and do something. Instead of asking, it's more of a "here's what I need from you" statement. Maybe because I'm very independent, see next paragraph, I prefer to be asked for helped and not told to help. I also get frustrated when I start to realize that what I'm doing isn't really appreciated, but expected. I sometimes feel like the go to girl because after a while people realize I have a hard time saying no. I've recently come to the conclusion that the things that get to me the most are the things I know a person is capable of, but would just rather have someone else do because that someone else, namely me in this blog, won't say no for fear of hurting feelings or making them mad. I've always been that way since I can remember. Side note: Since my memory isn't that good, I would say this pertains mostly to my adult life.
Also, if you know me well, you will know that I am a girl who is very independent and I do not ask for help unless I absolutely can not do it myself, like changing a tire. hehe However, after I recently needed that ability, (I really appreciate my friend and her husband for this. It wasn't easy asking for help, but I had no other choice.) I have decided to have my husband teach me how as soon as he gets home. I don't like having to rely on anyone for anything. The only exception to that is my husband, but that's what we are suppose to do as husband and wife, rely on each other. Of course that all goes out the window during deployments since he's not here.
I do have a point to all of this and there is a reason I even bring it up at all. We started a new series at church today entitled "Boundaries, Freeing the Real You". As much as I love our guest speakers, I'm so glad Pastor Norman was speaking today. I could sit and listen to him for hours. Sometimes I'm a little disappointed when service comes to an end because I just want him to keep talking. This morning, during portions of his sermon, he was talking directly to me. It was definitely no coincidence I was there, It was all God. He had something for me to hear. I had good friends on either side of me this morning and they both looked over at me as soon as Pastor started speaking. They too, knew that Pastor was speaking directly to me.
The part that was for me, was about how we all have boundaries. Bear with me because my memory isn't so great as to use Pastor's words and his words were perfect. Mine will certainly be less than mediocre compared to his, plus I'm only talking about the portions that I really needed to hear today, but here it goes... God has this line set in front of us that should not be crossed or compromised. One of his main points was that "We often compromise due to the fear of rejection, aloneness and dis-connection." Honestly, I always felt that I would say yes to everyone because I simply wanted to make others happy. However, after today, I'm thinking maybe it is more of a fear of making someone mad at me. He went on to say that "We stay connected to others by pleasing God first. All else follows." Matthew 6:33 says "But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given unto you as well." As I am sitting here thinking that over, I think that by compromising the boundaries that we as individuals have, we are not seeking God first. When we cross the boundary we end up turning bitter, having resentment, and eventually disconnect from the person we crossed our boundary for. Those are not feelings that we should have when seeking God first. God is a loving God and if we're doing what He has planned for us and seeking his direction for our lives, we will not have those bitter, resentful feelings. Those feelings only come to us from the enemy. I for one do not want to let the enemy have any control over my feelings.
The concluding statement of this message for me, is what Pastor said at the end. "Establish a healthy, secure "yes" and a healthy, secure "no". "Simply let your 'Yes' be 'Yes' and your 'No' be 'No' be 'No' ; anything beyond that comes from the evil one." (Matthew 5:37) That's what I intend to do from now on. I can't do it alone, but I know that God is right here beside me and He will help me accomplish this much needed goal. Thank you God for being a loving God who forgives me for turning bitter. Thank you for helping me to turn from my old ways so that I can be a better example of what it's like to have a personal relationship with you!
Out with the "Old Me" in with the "New"!
Also, if you know me well, you will know that I am a girl who is very independent and I do not ask for help unless I absolutely can not do it myself, like changing a tire. hehe However, after I recently needed that ability, (I really appreciate my friend and her husband for this. It wasn't easy asking for help, but I had no other choice.) I have decided to have my husband teach me how as soon as he gets home. I don't like having to rely on anyone for anything. The only exception to that is my husband, but that's what we are suppose to do as husband and wife, rely on each other. Of course that all goes out the window during deployments since he's not here.
I do have a point to all of this and there is a reason I even bring it up at all. We started a new series at church today entitled "Boundaries, Freeing the Real You". As much as I love our guest speakers, I'm so glad Pastor Norman was speaking today. I could sit and listen to him for hours. Sometimes I'm a little disappointed when service comes to an end because I just want him to keep talking. This morning, during portions of his sermon, he was talking directly to me. It was definitely no coincidence I was there, It was all God. He had something for me to hear. I had good friends on either side of me this morning and they both looked over at me as soon as Pastor started speaking. They too, knew that Pastor was speaking directly to me.
The part that was for me, was about how we all have boundaries. Bear with me because my memory isn't so great as to use Pastor's words and his words were perfect. Mine will certainly be less than mediocre compared to his, plus I'm only talking about the portions that I really needed to hear today, but here it goes... God has this line set in front of us that should not be crossed or compromised. One of his main points was that "We often compromise due to the fear of rejection, aloneness and dis-connection." Honestly, I always felt that I would say yes to everyone because I simply wanted to make others happy. However, after today, I'm thinking maybe it is more of a fear of making someone mad at me. He went on to say that "We stay connected to others by pleasing God first. All else follows." Matthew 6:33 says "But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given unto you as well." As I am sitting here thinking that over, I think that by compromising the boundaries that we as individuals have, we are not seeking God first. When we cross the boundary we end up turning bitter, having resentment, and eventually disconnect from the person we crossed our boundary for. Those are not feelings that we should have when seeking God first. God is a loving God and if we're doing what He has planned for us and seeking his direction for our lives, we will not have those bitter, resentful feelings. Those feelings only come to us from the enemy. I for one do not want to let the enemy have any control over my feelings.
The concluding statement of this message for me, is what Pastor said at the end. "Establish a healthy, secure "yes" and a healthy, secure "no". "Simply let your 'Yes' be 'Yes' and your 'No' be 'No' be 'No' ; anything beyond that comes from the evil one." (Matthew 5:37) That's what I intend to do from now on. I can't do it alone, but I know that God is right here beside me and He will help me accomplish this much needed goal. Thank you God for being a loving God who forgives me for turning bitter. Thank you for helping me to turn from my old ways so that I can be a better example of what it's like to have a personal relationship with you!
Out with the "Old Me" in with the "New"!
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Prayers!
I know I haven't been very faithful to this blog thing lately. In the quest to stay busy to pass the time away, I've just been too tired at night to even think straight. The good news is that time really is flying by rather quickly. In just a few days we will be at our 2 month mark. Since it's summertime, I anticipate the next two months to fly by just as quickly. Before I know it my husband will be home on r&r! I really don't think about his final homecoming at this point because it's too far off in the distance. I'd rather just focus on the next time we can finally be together without the computer screen separating us. By then we will only have a few months left and we can start our final countdown from there. It's so much easier for me to do this in small increments instead of looking at the whole picture. Unfortunately I don't think time is going by so quickly for my husband. I can see why since he's away from home and separated from the life we have built together during the past 14 years. I know how much I miss him and he had to leave so much more behind. I still have our kids to hug at night and all our comforts of home, aside from the comfort of having him next to me. He will make it through this though. His job over there is so much bigger than all of this. It has to be, or God would not have sent him there... If you're reading this baby, I pray for you nonstop and you really will be home soon. In the bigger scheme of things a year really isn't all that long, not compared to the fact that we still have an eternity together. We love you so much more than you could comprehend and we'll be waiting for you the second you step off that plane!
Honestly, as I sit here I can't even remember all the things we've done this week. Sometimes as I look back it's like we just walk through our days, or rather run sometimes, and when it's all over with I lay down to sleep just thanking God for getting us through another day without my husband. Every time I lay my head down it just means we're one day closer to having him home. Then when morning comes I thank God for a new day with new adventures and I pray for the day to go by quickly so I can lay my head down on my husbands pillow once again and start thanking God all over again for getting us through another day. Of course I'm also always praying for my husband's safety, as well as every military member in harms way, and for time to pass quickly for them as well. The power of prayer can do so much in a person's life. I can tell you for a fact that my prayers have always been heard and that God has always answered. Our soldiers could really use all the prayers they can get. Please find some time every day to say a prayer for our soldiers who are so far from home and long to safely return to the arms of the families they love so dearly. I've been asked many times since my husband started his career in the military what people can do to show their support. In all reality, you may not think your doing enough by simply taking some time to pray, but that's the very best thing you can do for them.
Good night my bloggy friends. It's time for me to lay my head down on my husbands pillow and thank God for getting us through another deployment day with love in our hearts and smiles on our faces. Tomorrow is a new day with new adventures just waiting for us to get there.
Honestly, as I sit here I can't even remember all the things we've done this week. Sometimes as I look back it's like we just walk through our days, or rather run sometimes, and when it's all over with I lay down to sleep just thanking God for getting us through another day without my husband. Every time I lay my head down it just means we're one day closer to having him home. Then when morning comes I thank God for a new day with new adventures and I pray for the day to go by quickly so I can lay my head down on my husbands pillow once again and start thanking God all over again for getting us through another day. Of course I'm also always praying for my husband's safety, as well as every military member in harms way, and for time to pass quickly for them as well. The power of prayer can do so much in a person's life. I can tell you for a fact that my prayers have always been heard and that God has always answered. Our soldiers could really use all the prayers they can get. Please find some time every day to say a prayer for our soldiers who are so far from home and long to safely return to the arms of the families they love so dearly. I've been asked many times since my husband started his career in the military what people can do to show their support. In all reality, you may not think your doing enough by simply taking some time to pray, but that's the very best thing you can do for them.
Good night my bloggy friends. It's time for me to lay my head down on my husbands pillow and thank God for getting us through another deployment day with love in our hearts and smiles on our faces. Tomorrow is a new day with new adventures just waiting for us to get there.
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