A New Day

I woke up this morning somewhat refreshed, considering my girls were awfully wiggly last night, and was determined to get through the day with a smile. I came downstairs, phone in hand of course, to make my coffee, which Trint always had waiting for me every morning. That was the first reminder of what we face for the next year. Sometimes it's the little things that drudge up the tears. I just forced a smile and a good thought of how thankful I am to be married to such a thoughtful man. I poured a cup of coffee and went to sit down with the girls in the living room. A short while later I heard my phone ding, which was on the kitchen island just steps away. Of course with Trint gone, every time it makes a sound I run to it as quick as I can. When I got there is said I had a voice mail. My phone never even rang so instantly my heart sank. I just knew it was my husband calling to tell me his plane landed at their first stop. I listened to the message and sure enough it was him. He had made it to the first stop like I had thought. The only problem is that he sounded sad which made me missing his call just that much worse. Then I looked up the last numbers that called my phone and it didn't even have a new number listed. I had no number to call him back at. I felt so bad, like I had disappointed him and he didn't even know why I didn't answer. I know he wasn't upset with me, he knows me well enough to know something had to have gone wrong for me not to answer. Still, I just want to be here for him, and I wasn't. I made myself come to terms with it and reassured myself that he would understand and he will call back the next possible chance he gets. However, if my phone screws it up again, I'm throwing it out the window for sure! Next week I will be sporting a new phone for sure!

The girls decided to stay home from school today but Tristan decided he didn't want to miss the day. It was a short day and Tristan likes his schedule on short days. Plus he doesn't want his homework to pile up so much that it takes a lot of time to catch up. The girls however will take a day off whenever it's offered to them. I gave them the choice today because yesterday was a rough day for us all. I know I wouldn't have functioned very well if I had to go to school after telling my husband goodbye, so why should I force them to go. The girls and I just hung out at home watching movies and Disney channel.

When Tristan got out of school we picked him up at the teen center and headed to the church office to drop off the thousand plus eggs that Trint and I filled. Of course loading the eggs in the truck just reminded me how helpful my husband was to help me fill the eggs that I volunteered to do on my own. Again, I had to hold back tears. As I talked to the director to ask if there was anything else I could take home to work on, I explained that I have more time on my hands that I need to keep occupied to keep my mind busy. Again, holding back tears as I said that Trint left yesterday. I did pretty good holding them back though so I know it will get easier to say the words without tears welling up. It is after all our first day without him home. I got a new project to occupy a little time and we were on our way.

Next stop was the mall to see "Soul Surfer". I've wanted to see this movie since our pastor mentioned it at church one Sunday a while back. That was before the previews even came out. Trint wants to see it too so I was hoping his deployment would be delayed a couple days so he could go with us. Obviously that didn't happen. Even if it had there would just be something else I would want it delayed for again. Of course that made me think again of the fact that he isn't here to enjoy it with his family. However, this time, no tears. I just thought of how I should buy all the new movies we see while he's gone and watch them with him when he gets home. For him it would be seeing a new movie, for me it will just be cuddling on the couch with him.

In case you were wondering, the movie was fabulous! I would recommend everyone go see it. What an amazing young woman Bethany is. She's a true example of courage and strength. Whenever I feel down I will think of her and of everything she's overcome. Nothing is too big for our God. I always love it when a movie comes to the theater that shares a life message of hope and encouragement. A movie I can take my kids to that they enjoy watching and that teaches them a valuable life lesson. Bethany is someone any parent would want as a role model for their children. Praise God for Bethany's story and the positive impact she's had on so many people. That just goes to show you that everything does happen for a reason. God allows tragedy to happen to better people and to help those around them. God is so amazing!

To conclude our day we came home, had dinner and are watching Disney channel together as a family. The day went fast as I pray every day does until he finally comes home. As with Bethany's story, this is all happening for a reason and before too long we are going to see some amazing results come out of the heartache we feel. I can't wait to see what God has in store for my family. Mark my words, it's going to be Amazing!

The Beginning Of Our Year Long Deployment

I can't recall a time when I have faced so many different emotions in a single day. Yesterday morning I woke up so happy that my husband was still next to me, with his arms around me. We didn't get much sleep knowing that it would be our last night together for a very long time. We just layed there in each others arms talking and trying to engrave the night in our brains, hoping that we can keep that memory until we are back together again. I don't want to forget the way I feel so safe and warm with his arms around me, or the way he smells, or the sound of his voice, or the look and sparkle of his beautiful blue eyes, and his happy smile. I just want to be able to close my eyes and see him at any point throughout my day. I want to be able to feel his warmth when I lay down to sleep each night. I don't want any of it to fade.

Throughout the day at any mention of the fact that it was the dreaded day I was brought to tears. I just couldn't hold them back. I wanted so desperately to be strong for my husband and for our kids, but I just couldn't stop the flow of tears. It's hard enough to be strong for myself, but to see my kids brought to tears and the sadness on their face knowing that they can't hug their dad for a long time just breaks my heart. Seeing my husband be so strong for all of us yet knowing that he too is hurting at the thought of being away. Seeing on his face that the smile he's showing is forced in effort of helping the kids and I feel better made me even more sad. It was not a good day for any of us.

We showed up to the quad around noon and sat in the car until time for him to report for weapons draw, 30 minutes later. We sat around after that just waiting since he wasn't allowed to leave with his weapon. We had no idea how long we'd be there waiting, however I was hoping the whole time that the day wouldn't ever end and that those dreaded buses would get lost on their way. Had I know it would take so long, very different from our last two experiences with deployment, I would have packed us a lunch. Instead I ended up running to the food court so we wouldn't all starve. The whole time I was rushing around praying that I wouldn't miss a second more with my husband than necessary. When I got back I hadn't missed a thing. Everyone was still sitting around waiting. We ate our Subway, pizza for Tristan, and proceded to sit and wait. I sat next to my husband the whole time just holding on to him and not wanting to ever let go. They finally called them for accountability formation so we walked over with him and I couldn't take my eyes off of him for a minute. After they released them, we sat around and waited some more. Part of me just wanted to get it over with and the other part of me just wanted to hang on to him for dear life. As they were called for final formation before loading the bus, we said our I love you's and watched him as he stood there with his fellow soldiers. It wasn't very formal and families were entering the formation for one last hug from their soldiers so I let Syd run to her daddy for a final hug. Of course I took the opportunity to hold on to him one last time also. I didn't care about formalities I just wanted his arms around me one last time. We walked in line with him to the bus and snuck in one last kiss before finally we just had to turn and walk away. The girls were sobbing and holding on to me as I was holding on to them for comfort also. I could feel my soldier's eyes on us as we walked away. My heart just sank as we drove home without the man that glues our family together. As soon as we walked in the door I lost it. The girls sat down on the couch with me and we cried together. Tristan just quietly went up to his room to play his xbox. I know he was hurting, but he was trying to be strong and deal with it in his own way so I just let him be. A little while later we headed to bed. The girls didn't want to be alone, and frankly neither did I, so they crawled into my bed to cuddle with mommy. My thoughtful husband secretely sprayed his cologne around our bedroom before we left to drop him off, so I drifted off to sleep with the scent of him in the air and on my pillow...