I'm not as faithful to this blog as I had intentionally planned in the beginning. During my husbands first deployment, I wrote to him every single night. For 9 months, that was the duration of his first deployment, I didn't miss even one single night. Our kids were younger then and required more attention than they do now so I figured that since I could do it then, I could do it now. Apparently, things have changed and that's just not my "thing" this deployment. There seems to be a "thing" every deployment that gets me through, but no two deployments are the same. The only thing that remains the same is prayer. Those other things are really just time passers. Prayer is the true "thing" that gets me through a deployment. God has a way of easing my mind and keeping the worry from overtaking my thoughts and driving me to insanity. I can't explain it, but God just gives me a sense of peace that truly transcends all understanding. I don't even want to imagine the feeling of worry and fear that would likely overtake my mind if it weren't for the mercy and grace of God.
As for my "things"... As I said, the first deployment was the letters. I also made sure to pack up a flat rate box every payday with goodies for my soldier, as well as his buddies. Along with that, I never once took off my husbands dog tags. I wore them to sleep, in the shower, to the pool, seriously I NEVER took them off. I put them on the day he boarded that ugly white bus and they didn't come off until the day the glorious white bus brought him back to me. I was so happy to shed those tags and hand them back over to my baby. The last thing of material significance was a jacket he hadn't put in the closet before he left. He left it hanging on the back of one the dining room chairs. That bright yellow jacket was on the back of the same chair he left it on when he walked through the door 9 months later. It never left that spot. Oh, and I almost forgot, I wore one of his pt shirts, along with a pair of his flag colored pj pants to bed every night. Yes people I did wash them. HeHe The most important thing, as I mentioned before, were my constant prayers. Looking back, I remember being faithful to pray every morning as I woke up and every night as I went to bed. In between that I focused on being busy to pass the time away. I also remember thoughts of worry frequently crossing my mind as I tried battling them on my own. It didn't instantaneously cross my mind that if I would just ask God to take the thoughts away and replace them with positive thoughts I would feel so much better. I did make it through the "short deployment turned long" and I know that despite trying to get through my days on my own, God was still there.
To explain the short turned long statement, the deployment initially started out as a 6 month deployment. My husband's unit was a support unit that did 6 months gone and 6 months home. It was a continuous cycle like that. However, this happened to be the unit's 5th deployment, our first, and things were changing. As I remember, we all know my memory isn't well so I could have the time frame a little off, we had around 2 months to go when rumors started circulating that they were getting extended. All of my Army friends know that rumors run rampid especially during a deployment. With it being my first I really didn't know what to expect to come of it. Just over a month before we were expecting our soldiers home, we got officially word that they had indeed been extended for another 3 months. I can't remember what I was feeling at that point, disappointment I'm sure. Looking back now though, 9 months is nothing and it actually turned out to be a blessing in disguise. Our unit didn't get R&R because of the short length of time they were gone and when my husband got back we realized that we could go 9 months without seeing each other and survive just fine. Now, when facing a year apart, we are confident from the beginning that we can do 9 months without R&R. That makes the second part after R&R seem like a piece of cake. Three months left after R&R is nothing. By the time he boards the plane to go back, he's stepping back off the plane for good in no time flat. That's just more proof that God has motives behind everything we face in life. Whether we like the circumstances or not, God will turn it all around for good.
So, back to my "things". The second deployment wasn't as dramatic as the first. I still wrote to him, though not every night. I still sent him boxes of goodies, though not every payday. I still wore his dog tags, though I did take them off for special occasions when they looked silly with a dress and at the pool when they tend to get so hot they feel like they are burning your skin. Of course I didn't wear them when he was home on R&R either. The one item that stayed where it was the whole deployment was a coin bottle that was sitting on top of the fridge. I hated that big ugly bottle, but it was a reminder of my husband. He put it there and it was going to be there when he got home. He had to come home because that ugly thing had to eventually be moved out of my sight. HeHe Looking at it while he was gone made me smile though. I also still wore his pt shirts at night along with his pj pants, though some nights I would wear a different pair of his pj pants instead of the flag ones. Again, I would pray for him every night before bed and every morning when I got up. This deployment was a little different during the day though. I would find myself unintentionally being reminded throughout the day that I needed to say a prayer for him. When I would start to feel lonely or feel any degree of worry, God would remind me to say a prayer for my husband which in turn made me feel so much better. The worry was less intense and happened less often during this deployment. It had to be God's intervention.
Here we are just 2 months into our third deployment. This one is so much different in so many ways. The one materialistic constant is that I still wear his pt shirts at night. In fact, after I left I noticed there were more left here than normal. I mentioned that to him last month and he said he already knew that. He had left extra shirts at home just for me. I know it's a little thing, but it's the little things that make me feel so loved. Just that he thought of that and was thinking of me brought me happiness. As for the letters and care packages, they aren't getting sent out quite as often as last deployment. My goal was to send a card or letter at least once a week, but time seems to slip away and that hasn't been happening. As for packages, they can get costly. We have financial goals set and those goals will be near impossible to reach if I send a box every payday. I always use flat rate boxes and you'd be surprised, if you aren't a military wife, how much stuff you can cram into one of those boxes. When I send a box I make sure it's packed tight. If there's room for another pack of gum, I'm running to the store to get some so there's no wasted space in the box. I'm going to make it worth the shipping cost. On top of that, even a pack of gum these days isn't the cost it use to be and if you're buying it in Hawaii, you can be sure it's even more. Anyhow, my husband knows I love him and that I think of him constantly even if he's not receiving mail every day. He also knows I'm just a phone call away, or computer call, if he wants to talk. I'm getting off track again. This deployment, he left a pair of sunglasses sitting on top of the cabinet in the dining room and a pair of swim trunks are hanging on the towel rack in our bathroom. Yes, they are clean. Those are the items that will still be in the same place when he gets home. As for prayer, I now pray constantly. Every morning, every night, and all day long. I don't wait for those lonely or worry moments. In fact, I can count on one hand all the times that a worry moment has even crept up on me. God is constantly reassuring me that everything is going to be okay. Deployments are no fun, anyway you look at it, but this one has been so much easier. I know, just because I believe and trust, but also by looking back to my previous experiences, that it most certainly is God who is in control. No just of the situation, but of how I deal with the situation. The more I turn to God, the more He shows Himself to me. It's just amazing!
I miss my husband more than I could put into words, but something greater is going to come out of this deployment. Something that will make me look back and thank God for putting me in this situation. I can only speculate at this point and say that maybe it's the closer relationship I have formed with Him, maybe it's the friendships I have formed here that are becoming stronger because of the deployment, maybe it's all of that along with something I just don't know about yet. I'm quite certain of the first two reasons actually, but I really think there's going to be more to it. This year long journey has just begun so only time will tell. Until then I will keep praying continuously and I will simply trust God to take care of my husband and to get our kids and I through the next year with smiles still wide across our faces the whole time.
After all is said is done, we all have our things that we do to get through a deployment. They are things that remind us of our spouse or keep our minds busy or pass the time away. To me, all of these things are just that, they are things. They are my attempt to feel closer to my husband. My attempt to feel like I'm doing something for him. My attempt to keep reminders around me that reassure me he is coming home safe. After all is said and done though, I would have to say that the one constant that has and always will truly get me through a deployment, or any other situation for that matter, has to be God. God isn't going to fall out of sight if the sunglasses happen to fall off of the cabinet. He isn't going to take a vacation if a letter or package doesn't get mailed. He's not going to desert my husband or I if I fall asleep at night before changing into my husband's pt shirt. He's going to be right beside both of us and He will show his presence in our lives simply because we want Him to, simply because He loves us that much!
