If you remember earlier postings, I talked a little about how I'm the girl that doesn't say no. I have a hard time letting people down and I've recently come to the conclusion that it's because I don't want anyone to be mad at me. People can be brutal and a lot of times if a person gets mad they go to their other friends and tell them just how awful you are. They expect them, as their friend, to side with them simply because they are mad and things didn't go their way. All to often, that's exactly what happens and then you have even more people mad at you. I've too many times been the one that had to listen to these complains. (This is what many adults call high school behavior. Personally I really don't get that statement, because it happens in adult life more often than high school so maybe teens should call it adult behavior.) I didn't want the complaints to actually be about me, though I'm quite sure it happened. In turn, I've been the one that went to a friend to vent too so why that concerned me, I have no idea at all. On the flip side of things, I believe it's okay to go to a friend with your problems and process through them. We all need someone to talk to when we're frustrated or irritated. However, there's a distinct difference between processing life and expecting the other person to take sides. In the greater scheme of things the only thing that really matters is what God thinks of me. It's not the opinions of others. Too bad I couldn't have put that into motion a long time ago!
God created us all equal, that's a true statement. However, He did not create us to all be alike. We all have our different ways of handling disappointment, different things that make us happy, different ways of raising our kids, and the list goes on. Who's to say that one persons way is better than another. In reality it's not better, simply different. Who are we to judge. I realize we're also all human and in reality we do judge others. Everyone has. If you saw a guy walking down the street with multiple rings, covered in black from head to toe, and his pants riding down below his butt, would you not do a double take and wonder "What is his problem" or "What was he thinking leaving his house like that". Of course you would. However, that person could be the kindest person you have ever met. A person that hasn't been in trouble a day in his life. You just don't know.
That last paragraph was a little off subject so I'll get back to it. I've always known this, but it finally became reality to me, after hearing our pastor speak on boundaries, that I too have boundaries. I have all to often let people cross those boundaries. What he said about becoming bitter with the person that crosses our personal boundaries, rings very true. However, when a person like me can't seem to say no, the boundaries get crossed time and time again. Once a person learns they can always come to you and know that your answer will always be yes, they will continue to come to you on a regular basis. That's no ones fault but my own. If I had learned the power of no to begin with, the problem wouldn't have existed to begin with. However on the other hand I feel that a person who really cares wouldn't put you in that situation to begin with. People need help sometimes. We all do. I get that. I'm happy to help out too. Please don't take this as me not wanting to help anyone ever at all. That's certainly not the case. I feel good when I'm able to be there for someone and to help them out. That's what we're here for, to live life together and to be there for one another. Sometimes however, it's just not a good time. Sometimes we go the distance so much and actually put ourselves out there, simply because we're afraid to say no, that it interferes with our family, our finances or even our sanity. Then there are those times that it's not a need you are asked for, simply a convenience. A convenience that the person could do on their own, but they don't because they know you will say yes. There is usually more than one option to solve a problem and if I need to say no than it's okay. I have realized that there are other options for people if they look for them. I don't have to feel bad because I have something else planned or I just don't feel right doing what's asked of me.
I'm still working on it, but I must say that I'm getting better at saying no. It's amazing how many friends I have that stand beside me and that actually don't get mad when I say no. Friends that completely understand and that actually push me to better myself and to accomplish my goals as an individual. To them I say a big THANK YOU! Thank you for your words of encouragement, thank you for allowing me to say no, and thank you for just being you! I'm calmer with my kids when things aren't stressful, I have more time for them, and my family as a whole gets along so much better. There will be bumps in the road I'm sure, and people that don't understand why I have to say no and stand up for myself and my family. That's okay. They just think differently than me and that's fine. To be a better wife and mom I feel I need to devote more time to my family without the stress of so many unnecessary obligations that pull me away from them.
So for my next goal in life, I plan to continue on making wise decisions and knowing when to say yes and when to say no, along with devoting more time to my family. My kids are individuals themselves, with different personalities and different ways of doing things. I want to enter their worlds a little more and understand them on a deeper level. Hopefully in this process, they will come to understand each other a little more and accept that things aren't always black and white.
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Air Force Brat to Army Wife
On this independence day, I first want to say thank you to my dad and my husband for their service to our great country. I'm thankful to all of our military, in every branch, for the sacrifices they make in order for us to be a free nation.
I grew up enduring many days, weeks, and even months, of separation from my dad while he was traveling around the world with the air force. Fortunately those periods of separation weren't as long as many of our military families face today and his job didn't require him to be on the front lines, but for a young child, even those shorter periods of time seem like years. I remember many nights crawling into my mom's bed to fill that empty spot where my dad was suppose to be. I remember the phone calls he made to check on us and to make sure we were all doing okay. I also remember all the t-shirts and trinkets he would bring home for us from around the world. My dad was in the Air National Guard so we didn't have to move around at all. My sister and I grew up going to the same schools with the same friends clear through high school. I really think that experience growing up was just one of God's steps to prepare me for the life I now have as an Army wife, raising three Army kids.
It's a lot different for my kids than it was for me growing up. In the 6 years we've been in the army, they've already faced two pcs moves, two lengthy deployments, weeks of daddy being away for training, and currently our third deployment. I'm so thankful that God made our kids so resilient and so willing for change. They handle everything that our Army life throws at us with so much courage and strength. They embrace the changes, even through the difficult times of saying goodbye to daddy and saying goodbye to the friends they've made as we pcs to another station. They don't like the goodbyes, no one does, but they are always looking forward to the welcome homes and to making new friends. They always stay so positive and focus on the good things that are to come. From day one of daddy stepping on the ugly white bus they talk about what we will do for him when he comes home. During both of our moves, they have all made new friends from day one of being in our new place. That may be one of the benefits of living on post too. There are kids everywhere that are willing to welcome their new Army friends in with open arms. After all, they were that new kid once and will be again one day as they too move on to another station.
To the general public it may seem like a lot to go through. They may wonder why we put ourselves out there and actually volunteer for this lifestyle. There are many reasons that a soldier joins the service. Maybe it's to get help in furthering their education after high school. Maybe it's just to prove that they can do it. Maybe it's to carry on a family tradition. Maybe it's for the stability the military provides or the benefits that come along with it. Regardless of the initial reason they join, it's always for their country. It's always to stand up for the rights of our American citizens. It's always to protect our freedom and our way of life. As for the families, we voluntarily welcome this life with open arms because we too love our great country. What's greater than that, we love our soldiers with all our hearts and we would do anything to stand beside them. We will go the distance, no matter what that entails, to be sure our soldier have the strongest support system while deployed, or while away at training, and even when they're home. We will endure uncertainty, separation, anxiety, loneliness... Just to be able to spend our lives with the one person that God has created just for us. The one person that takes a piece of our heart no matter the distance between us!
Just remember as independence day has come and gone, that our troops are fighting for our freedoms every day. Let's not only pay tribute to them on those specific days we have set aside throughout the year, but honor them in our day to day lives. Keep them in your daily prayers, give them a hug, say thank you, or even just simply nod your head at them and smile. They are very humble in what they do, but in their hearts, those kind gestures make a world of difference. God Bless America and God Bless Our Military!
I grew up enduring many days, weeks, and even months, of separation from my dad while he was traveling around the world with the air force. Fortunately those periods of separation weren't as long as many of our military families face today and his job didn't require him to be on the front lines, but for a young child, even those shorter periods of time seem like years. I remember many nights crawling into my mom's bed to fill that empty spot where my dad was suppose to be. I remember the phone calls he made to check on us and to make sure we were all doing okay. I also remember all the t-shirts and trinkets he would bring home for us from around the world. My dad was in the Air National Guard so we didn't have to move around at all. My sister and I grew up going to the same schools with the same friends clear through high school. I really think that experience growing up was just one of God's steps to prepare me for the life I now have as an Army wife, raising three Army kids.
It's a lot different for my kids than it was for me growing up. In the 6 years we've been in the army, they've already faced two pcs moves, two lengthy deployments, weeks of daddy being away for training, and currently our third deployment. I'm so thankful that God made our kids so resilient and so willing for change. They handle everything that our Army life throws at us with so much courage and strength. They embrace the changes, even through the difficult times of saying goodbye to daddy and saying goodbye to the friends they've made as we pcs to another station. They don't like the goodbyes, no one does, but they are always looking forward to the welcome homes and to making new friends. They always stay so positive and focus on the good things that are to come. From day one of daddy stepping on the ugly white bus they talk about what we will do for him when he comes home. During both of our moves, they have all made new friends from day one of being in our new place. That may be one of the benefits of living on post too. There are kids everywhere that are willing to welcome their new Army friends in with open arms. After all, they were that new kid once and will be again one day as they too move on to another station.
To the general public it may seem like a lot to go through. They may wonder why we put ourselves out there and actually volunteer for this lifestyle. There are many reasons that a soldier joins the service. Maybe it's to get help in furthering their education after high school. Maybe it's just to prove that they can do it. Maybe it's to carry on a family tradition. Maybe it's for the stability the military provides or the benefits that come along with it. Regardless of the initial reason they join, it's always for their country. It's always to stand up for the rights of our American citizens. It's always to protect our freedom and our way of life. As for the families, we voluntarily welcome this life with open arms because we too love our great country. What's greater than that, we love our soldiers with all our hearts and we would do anything to stand beside them. We will go the distance, no matter what that entails, to be sure our soldier have the strongest support system while deployed, or while away at training, and even when they're home. We will endure uncertainty, separation, anxiety, loneliness... Just to be able to spend our lives with the one person that God has created just for us. The one person that takes a piece of our heart no matter the distance between us!
Just remember as independence day has come and gone, that our troops are fighting for our freedoms every day. Let's not only pay tribute to them on those specific days we have set aside throughout the year, but honor them in our day to day lives. Keep them in your daily prayers, give them a hug, say thank you, or even just simply nod your head at them and smile. They are very humble in what they do, but in their hearts, those kind gestures make a world of difference. God Bless America and God Bless Our Military!
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