My Blessing

I am frequently reminded of how blessed I am to be married to such an amazing man. Today is no different.

I met my future husband in November of 1996. Two weeks later we were at the mall looking at engagement rings and wedding sets. A week after that he proposed to me. Yes, it was fast, but it was just one of those things that when you know, you just know. It wasn't one of those fancy planned out proposals that you see on the season finale of your favorite drama, but for us it was perfect. He got down on one knee in my bedroom and simply asked me to marry him. After he asked my parents permission of course. I don't have to tell you my answer. That's a no brainer. Eight months later I was standing at the back of a church looking down the isle past all of our family and friends. There he stood. The man I was about to say "I do" to. The man I would begin the rest of my life with on that hot day in July.

Our lives together haven't always been roses and cotton candy, but never the less, we've always been together. The words we recited that day in front of God, our family and our friends are proof of that. The rings we wear around our fingers are reminders of the promises we made to each other that day. Promises to love, honor and cherish each other. Promises to be faithful, honest and true to each other.

We've had our fair share of downs to go with the ups over the years, but we never let anything come between us. We've always come through every struggle stronger than ever. Today, I can honestly say that I'm thankful for the struggles we've had. I believe that's what has gotten us to the point we're at now. Because of the way we've overcome everything and never given up, we've successfully come to the point where our relationship is stronger than ever. People often say that over the years a relationship will change and it won't be the same as when you first fell in love. The honeymoon stages of life soon disappear and it becomes a routine that you walk through together daily. I have to say I totally disagree with this. It will be that way only if you let it. Maybe it's because we had a rough start that today we are more in love than ever. Maybe it's because of those times we walked several feet apart from each other that today we walk hand in hand whenever we're together. Maybe it's because we have never gone a day without saying "I love you" that today the words don't even have to be spoken for it to be understood. Maybe it's all of our past arguments that have brought us to a better understanding of each other. Whatever the case may be, we met 15 years ago and we look forward to the days when we are old and gray sitting on the front porch holding hands as we watch the cars drive by.

To Trinity: I just want to say thank you for never giving up on us. Thank you for always loving me. Thank you for always believing in us. Thank you for standing by my side. Thank you for being that man that goes on a pickle run just minutes before our wedding. Thank you for being that man that will run to the store at a moments notice any time of day or night. Thank you for letting me be me and Thank you for being you. You are the most amazing person I have ever met and I'm so happy that you chose me to spend your life with. Because of you, I am the person I am today. Because of you I am the mommy of three beautiful kids. Because of you I look forward to tomorrow. Because of you I get to feel loved every day of my life and in turn I get to love you with all of my heart. I thank God for bringing us together and keeping us strong for each other. I love you so much baby! Now and Always and ForVever! I can't wait to have this deployment behind us so we can continue on our journey together, hand in hand!










 

Not Always Roses and Cotton Candy

Yesterday was not such a great day. We all have those days where we just want to get back into bed and wait for a fresh start in the morning, even if that means sleeping through the entire day to reach the next one. Well, yesterday was that day for me. Fortunately, throughout this deployment, I really haven't had too many of those days, so I do have to say I'm very thankful for that. I'm also thankful that the good Lord got me through it and that He allowed me to wake up to a fresh start this morning.

I won't go into detail about yesterday, why revisit it, but I will say this... my kids were driving me crazy, our plans for the day were cancelled due to their behavior (side note: I even got up early to attend the early church service to accommodate our plans) and I just needed a hug from my husband. His hugs can work miracles to make my day better and yesterday a hug would have been perfect. I do have to say this, God works in mysterious ways and he uses these trying days to pull us closer to Him. I wouldn't trade the rough days for just that reason.

It really amazes me how God can work in people without us even knowing it. If I didn't know any better I would think my husband could read my mind at times even from thousands of miles away. Just when I'm at that point where I feel I need to hear his voice or even just get a short message from him to know that he's okay, it happens. Coincidence? I think not! As Dawn O'Brien says on the radio quite frequently,"There's no such thing as coincidence, it's all God-incidence". I love that saying! Thanks Dawn!

Yesterday was one of those days where I needed to hear from him. Not just because it was a bad day in general but because I was aware from various sources that something had happened while they were on mission, but I didn't know what that something was. Towards the end of the day Trint was able to message me though skype. He didn't have a cam or even a mic but at least I heard from him. He didn't have long to talk, but he said he had a headache that he couldn't get rid of and he'd tell me more later. Of course there were the usual I love yous and I miss yous too. I was a little more at ease just knowing he was okay. However, that led me to wondering why he had a headache and wishing I was there to take care of him. I fell asleep last night just praying for his headache to go away and that not just my husband would be okay, but their convoy as a whole. It turns out there were injuries, but as far as I know, everyone is going to be fine.

As hard as it is to hear that people have been injured or even worse, I have to say that I'm so blessed to have a husband that keeps me informed. It is so much easier for me to know straight from him what's going on. Plus, I feel better knowing specifically what to pray for. I'm sure everyone feels differently about this and some spouses probably don't want to know at all, but for me, I'd rather him tell me than to hear from someone else and not have all the accurate information. For me personally, not knowing and hearing several different rumors about the same thing is much worse than knowing what my husband is going through. I'm just glad he feels comfortable coming to me and I love that I can listen to him and be here for him.

At the same time, I'm so glad I can feel comfortable venting my frustrations to him and knowing that he's also here for me. I've seen it written in so many military writings that it's best to keep the bad things here so your soldier can keep his mind on his mission. In some cases I'm sure that's true. For us, my husband wants to hear what we're going through, the good and the bad. Of course I always try to emphasize the good, but if one of our kids is having a hard time at school, or if one of us is going through something, he should know. It's a fact that life isn't all roses and cotton candy so I'm not going to pretend that it is when I'm talking to my husband. He always picks it up in my voice when something is a little off anyhow, so it's better that he know what it is than to have to wonder. I'm confident that when my husband is on the computer he can spend that time to focus on us as a family and when he signs off, he can focus all of his attention to the job in front of him, or his sleep as it may be. HeHe! Just thought I'd throw that in there.

I'll end by saying this: In the good times and the bad, God has never failed to be right next to me. He's there when things are going great and He really shows up in big ways when things are not going so well. All it takes is a little faith to find His strength and peace that can get you through anything.

Birthday Year

I spent the day over at a friend's house yesterday. She was reading her friends blog to me and it gave me an idea. Her friend made a list of things she wanted to accomplish before her next birthday. I love the idea and have decided to get on board. I still have a couple months until my birthday, but I have decided to start getting my list together now. So what if it's not exactly a year and I give myself a couple extra months. I may need those extra months since my husband will not be present and accounted for during the first half of my birthday year. I haven't decided on a set number of things, nor have I decided exactly what will be added to my list, though I do have some ideas. I may even add to my list as the year goes on, who knows. We are an Army family after all, and as all my Army friends know, nothing in this life is ever set in stone. As of now we will still be on the island by my next birthday, but that could change in an instant which would change some of my goals. It could possibly change a majority of my list, but in this life, everything is subject to change. It's just a fact that we learn to live with. In the end, as frustrating as some of the last minute changes can be, it does make for an exciting life!

I haven't decided yet as to whether I will add a tab to my blog or just add another blog to track my progress. Either way I will keep it posted so everyone can hold me accountable. I find that staying on track is so much easier when you have others to hold you accountable. It's also a lot more enjoyable when you have friends along for the ride. You can bet there will be times when I call on a friend to join me in accomplishing a task on my list. I can only imagine the fun times that lie ahead in my next year. If all goes well, I will make this a tradition and every year make a new list. Maybe I will even get my husband and my kids on board. It would be great to sit down together and make up our lists and help each other in accomplishing new things. Who knows, maybe one of you reading this right now will also decide to join in on the fun. If you do, let me know. I would love to follow your progress and help you in accomplishing your goals.

Tristan's Thoughts

I was doing some cleaning today and found a book my son wrote last year. His english class had the opportunity to write a book about themselves. The school sent their work in to have them bound in a hardback cover. It was a great project that will preserve memories for years to come. I just want to share a couple of his pages with you. A little side note: I find it ironic that their books were published in the same town that my kids were all born in. Anyhow, he titled his book "Army In Paradise".

The Military
I think the military is a good thing and a bad thing. There are many different things about the military that I like and don't like. I'll start with what I don't like.

I don't like my dad leaving every other year and him being gone for a long time. When he leaves he goes to Iraq and that's not a very safe place. My dad is also always at work and sometimes he has to work twenty four hours straight. When he does that he stays at his company's barracks and comes home the next day and sleeps all day.

I like that the military keeps our country safe. They give my dad a paycheck so we can get food. They gave us a house. I also get to move a lot so I get to see new places. Such as me living in Hawaii.

The military is kind of cool. I like moving around to different places but I don't like that I have to leave all my friends. I think living in Hawaii is awesome though so I'm not complaining.

The worst thing about the military is deployment. When my dad has to leave for a year I don't like it. But when he comes back everybody is happy again. He used to go and not be able to come home on R&R but now he does. When everyone asks me if I want to be in the military when I get older I say no. I don't want to be in the military.

My grandpa is in the military too. He's in the Air Force. He's been in the military for a long time. He doesn't fly planes but it's still cool.


Hawaii
I think Hawaii is awesome. I love to go to the beach and I get to skateboard all the time. North Shore is fun because they have big waves in the winter and Haleiwa is a fun place. The best shave ice is there at Matsumoto's. I always get cherry, apple, and raspberry with snow cap. Snow cap is condensed milk.

I've been to a lot of places on Oahu so I'll tell you a little bit about them. The Pali lookout is awesome. It's on a cliff and there's a very long drop if you look over the edge. It's also very windy. So windy that it took my hat off and blew it all the way back to the parking lot.

Then there's the Punchbowl Cemetery. It's a giant cemetery for people in the military who died. There is a giant building with a statue of a woman on it. There is also a memorial that has the names of all the people who died on it.

Pearl Harbor was a cool place to me. The Arizona Memorial was really cool. You could see the Arizona under you and there were cool fish swimming around in it. There was still oil leaking out of the ship. It is still leaking after being sunk in 1941. It's got a wall in the back with all the names of the people who were on the ship when it sunk. There are almost two thousand names.

In Waikiki there are a lot of things to do. I went there and walked around. There are a lot of shops and malls. Waikiki is my favorite beach too. I go there a lot with my mom and dad's friends. My second favorite thing to do is going to Waikiki at night. There are always people on the streets doing different stuff. There are always mimes and people who draw your face. But sometimes there are more things like beat boxer's or magicians.

I Miss The Little Things

Everyday I think of something new that I miss about my husband. Many of them are just small things, but together they all add up to be something huge. Even though it can make me sad to think about my husband being away, on a much larger scale it also reminds me of how blessed I am to be able to spend my life with him. I can better appreciate those little things instead of taking advantage of them. I can also better appreciate those little quirks he has that can drive me crazy. I'd much rather live with those irritating quirks on a daily basis than to be away from him for any length of time. Today I just want to share some of those little things I miss that I can't wait to have back in my life at the end of this deployment.

*The way his blue eyes sparkle when he looks into mine. I know it sounds crazy, but they really do. He's so sweet and he looks into the web cam so I can see them, but it doesn't work so well when the cam is so fuzzy.

*He will do anything to make me smile. See above for an example.

*Sometimes I think he knows me better than I know myself. I miss his insight and words of encouragement.

*I miss is arm under my pillow at night.

*Watching a movie at home is no fun without having him to snuggle with.

*As much as I'd rather grocery shop by myself to get it done quicker, I miss having him there to remind me of things that I forgot to add to my list.

*I miss sitting next to him in the passenger seat of the car and taking in the scenery as he drives.

*When the kids and I get new clothes, or anything new really, we like to show daddy one by one what we got. We are able to do that on the web cam occasionally, but it's not the same. Plus there's never time for a fashion show.

*I miss having his hand in mine while we're walking.

*He always comes up behind me for a hug while I'm doing the dishes or cooking. It aggravates me because when I'm doing something I just want to get it done, but I really wish he were here to distract me now.

*He takes really hot showers and steams up the bathroom so I have to wait till it cools off and the mirror unfogs to do my hair and makeup. I would give anything to have my mirror fog over and have to wait.

*For some reason I can't stand the shower curtain being open. He always forgets to close it. I would love to be able to remind him to shut it.

In all reality, I miss everything about him. I just have to keep reminding myself that God has a bigger plan for us and in order to reach His goals we must face this deployment head on and rely on God to get us through it. I'm reminded on a daily basis of how blessed I am to be able to spend my life with someone that loves me as much as my husband does. A deployment will put things in perspective and only make our relationship stronger. That has to be one of the reasons God is allowing us to go through this. I'm sure there are many more reasons that God hasn't revealed to us yet, but in time I know we will be able to look back and to see the bigger picture. As much as I would rather not have to be away from my husband, God knows best and He wouldn't put us through anything that we can't handle. I will use this year to reflect on my marriage and to find ways to make it even stronger and even better than it already is. As I go to bed every night and as I wake up every morning I will continue to thank God for my husband. I will continue to thank Him for this experience that I know will only make us stronger. God is great all the time and all the time God is great!

Fourteen Years and Going Strong

Fourteen years ago today I married my best friend. I married the man that regardless of anything never stops loving me. The man that can always make me laugh. The man that is always there for me to cry on his shoulder. The man that sometimes drives me completely nuts. The man that is always by my side. The man that I am privileged to grow old with.

Life hasn't always been easy and we haven't always seen eye to eye. We've faced many difficult times along with all the fun exciting times. Like any marriage it isn't always easy and we constantly have to work at it. The great thing is that we have done it all together. We have always overcome our obstacles to find that spark that it all started with in the beginning. Today, 14 years later, I can honestly say that we are even more in love than we have ever been. One of my favorite quotes is from my husband and I's favorite movie, "The Notebook". "So it's not gonna be easy. It's going to be really hard; we're gonna have to work at this everyday, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever, everyday. You and me... everyday." That quote fits my husband and I perfectly! However, as time has gone on, it really isn't as much work as it was in the beginning. Over time it gets easier and easier. We have come to appreciate our differences instead of trying to justify them. We've come to realize that it isn't worth it to make an issue out of the little things. The most important thing is that we're together and that one fact will never change.  

Today I choose to marry you,
For love is patient, love is kind.
Our love is strong and deep; unique,
Our hearts forever intertwined.
Today I shout "I DO! I DO!"

Today I take you as my spouse,
I'll be your partner, hold your hand.
We'll face tomorrow's challenges,
Together all things we'll withstand.
We'll build our castle, fill our house.

Today my life begins anew,
Today I shout for all to hear:
This is a union meant to be,
for all my life, for all my years,
Today I give my heart to you.

-Karen Burniston

Trinity,
I love you so much baby! I wish we could be together today. Thank you so much for the 14 beautiful red roses that arrived at our door this afternoon. I sat them on the table and I smile every time I look over at them. The words on the card are beautiful and they remind me of how blessed I am to spend my life with you. I love you more than all the circles that ever existed. Right now we are simply sleeping under the same stars, but soon we will be back under the same roof. I can't wait for that day. I miss you terribly. Happy Anniversary Baby, and a lifetime more to come! XOXOXO

All My Love,
Shawna

"Terrible Too's"

I love writing, so the fact that I haven't written anything on here lately surprises even me. I certainly haven't been lacking for things to say. The only thing I can figure is that the kids and I have been so busy that I've just shut down in some areas. When we're at home with nothing to do, like that happens very often, I just seem to sit in front of the t.v. to catch up on shows I've missed. If not that, I'm on the addicting website that everyone knows all to well, facebook. So anyhow, by the end of the day when the kids are finally tucked into bed I'm usually heading that way myself. Throughout the day I'm thinking of things to write, but by the end of the day when I have free time, my mind seems to shut down. Tonight however, I've started enforcing the dreaded school year bedtime. I now have a little time to myself in the evenings so maybe I'll start blogging a little more.

We had a guest speaker at church this morning and I'm really glad that my daughter made such a fuss about making sure we didn't miss church. The only reason we would have missed was because Tristan wasn't feeling well and I didn't really want to leave him here alone. I told that to Shay and she got tears in her eyes and started crying. She cries a lot in these emotion pre teen years so that was no surprise. Because of the reason for her tears though, I just couldn't make her stay home. Who wouldn't be over the top about having a child who would actually cry about missing church. Tristan was still sleeping and I knew he would most of the early afternoon after not sleeping all night so I knew he'd be fine. He could always call if he started feeling worse or if it was more of an emergency, we have many neighbors we can turn to.

Pastor Bruce Ho was our guest speaker today. His message was rather simple, "Trust God"! Sounds simple enough, that is until some crazy outlandish circumstance jumps in front of you and stares you down. Something that well known facts could totally prove wrong. He used the story of Elijah and the widow found in 1 Kings 8-16. God told Elijah to go to Zarephath where he had commanded a widow to give him food. This widow had a small child and not much else. She had only enough flour and oil to make on more meal of bread for herself and her child. She was ready to give up and die knowing that they would be out of food as soon as they ate this last meal. However, Elijah did as God told him and went to her and asked her to make him a cake of bread. Regardless of the facts, she had only enough to make one last meal for her and her son, she followed God and did as Elijah asked. In the end, God provided this widow with enough flour and oil to continue feeding herself, her child, and Elijah. Her bowl of flour was never emptied and her jar of oil never ran dry. For the full story you'll have to open your bible and read the reference above. The point of this story is that by simply trusting God everything will work out in our favor. Even if the facts point to other things, God can make it happen. He can lift us up above any fact to bless our life and to provide for us. All we have to do is look past the facts and trust in God!

He also talked about how we can rise above any circumstance in our life by trusting in God. His wife sang the song, don't know the exact name but it says, "God blessed the broken road that led me straight to you". I love that song by the way. After she sang, they told the story of how they met. I won't go into detail, but after breaking off an engagement, and 10 years of waiting to find that perfect guy that God had promised her, she finally met Bruce. She broke off the engagement because God was leading her down a different path and she heard Him tell her that he had a husband for her. She trusted what God had told her and waited 10 long years for her promise from God to become her reality. She never lost faith and even when she questioned why she hadn't met him yet, she continued to trust in what God had told her. Just three weeks ago, God followed through with his promise and they were married. She went through hard times and had many broken roads, but by trusting in God, everything worked out in their favor.

I love how Bruce said that we all go through the "terrible too's" when God is trying to tell us what he wants us to do. I know I'm a big culprit of that. We're always too tired, or too busy, or too broke, or too rich, or too this or too that. In reality, if God says to do something we aren't too anything. Nothing is too big for God. If He says it, He will do it. His word never changes, not the words in His Bible nor the words he whispers in our ears. When we do what he says, regardless of facts or circumstances, the results will be so much more than we could have ever imagined.

The message as a whole brought me back to this deployment we're going through. It reminded me that no matter how long some of our days may seem, there's a bigger purpose behind the entire circumstance. God has a purpose for taking my husband to another country for a while. He has a purpose for separating our family. If we just embrace the fact that God knows best, that He will get us through this storm in our lives, we will come out in the end as stronger individuals and as a stronger family. We just have to trust God with everything that we have and with everything that we are.

After church the girls and I made a quick stop at Wal-Mart, mainly for coffee filters because I'm almost out and can't live without my coffee, and came home to check on Tristan. He was feeling a little better and was ready to try to eat something. Since I completely forgot to get bread for toast, he decided on ramen noodles. Throughout the day he felt better and better. Tonight his throat is sore, but he'll be back to normal in no time. My kids hardly ever get sick so they don't know what to do with themselves when they are. Many times I really don't think it's quite as bad as they let on either, but I just go along with it.

This evening, Syd and I decided to go for a walk. It was more like a skate/run, but that's even better. I'll tell you what, keeping up with her on the skateboard wore me out. Going downhill was the worst. She would just stand on the board and let the wheels do the work. I, on the other hand, had to run twice as fast to keep up with her. I need to take her with me all the time. She mentioned tonight that she wants to go every night that we're not busy. Sounds like a good idea to me. Not only do we get exercise, but we get to spend time together too.

My husband called in the middle of my writing so it's getting pretty late now. I think I'll sign out and get myself to bed. Good night!

Three Months Down

Today marks three months since my husband left on that dreaded, horrible, ugly, white bus! It may not seem all that long because 3 is a pretty small number, but to me it's 3 months closer to being back in his arms. Instead of dwelling on the fact that he has been gone for 3 months, I rather look at it that he is 3 months closer to being home. I guess it just sounds better to me that way. More positive I suppose. I'm grateful that time has been ticking by so quickly. The kids and I do what we can to keep busy day by day. The more we have to do, the quicker the day comes to an end. It isn't that we want to wish time away. We enjoy our outings and have fun while we're busy, but at the end of the day we can mark one more day off the calendar. One more day closer to daddy!

As we all know, when our spouse is gone something is bound to go wrong at some point. It may not be a huge disaster, but even something minor that just makes us wish he were home to deal with it. You all know from earlier posts that I've already had an ordeal with my truck. I ran over a thorn, they kind of fixed it but not really, and in the end I had to get a new tire. It took a wonderful friend changing my tire for me and two very long trips to the mechanic to get it done, but it ended up being an easy fix. Last night when we went out to the truck after Shay's hula class, my truck decided to give me more problems. The battery decided it had worked enough over the years and it needed a break. I'm so thankful to my husband for making sure I have an emergency kit in my truck that includes jumper cables. Shay's teacher kindly pulled her car up to my truck to help me out. Unfortunately it didn't work. My battery was corroded and so was hers. A good friend lives just up the street from where we were so I called her for help. She brought her husbands truck over and we got the cables all hooked up. Who said women can't solve any problem on their own?! Okay, here's the rest of the story. Her neighbor, who happens to be a guy, stopped by for added support. Okay, we let him take over. HeHe However, I can guarantee you that we would have done it on our own if we would have had to. There's no problem too big for an Army Wife! All said and done, my truck is now running again and he even was so kind as to clean off the battery for me. It looks like I'll be buying a new battery in the near future. I hope my truck enjoys his early Christmas present. HeHe I'm so overly thankful for my amazing friends who are willing to come to my rescue. Life is so much easier, especially during a deployment, when you have people going through it with you!

I spent my morning making phone calls to get everything taken care of before school starts in three weeks. My kids all need their physicals updated for CYS, they all need eye appts which I still need to make, and I needed to figure out where on earth my youngest would be going to school this year. The doctor apps are scheduled, I finally found a number to the optometrist so I can schedule that tomorrow, and I am happy to report that my daughter will be able to stay on post next year. I'm still uncertain on which school she will attend, but at least I know she'll be on post. That is such a relief to me. It will make it way easier to get all three of them to and from school with no added expense or having to rely on someone else for help. If you know me, you know that I don't like having to rely on others and I prefer to just do things on my own if at all possible. So... I called Wheeler, my preferred school since it's right next to the middle school and they told me they don't do their GE's until a week before the start of school. That's a little late in the game for having to get school supplies, but I'll take my chances. When I got off the phone with them, I called Solomon. That's where Syd attended last year. She was there on a GE so I didn't know if it would carry over or if I had to submit another one. Fortunately it does carry over. Once a school accepts a GE it continues to carry over throughout the years unless that child is always in trouble and the school decides to pull the GE. I'm certain that won't be a problem. We're still going to wait to see if she can get into Wheeler, but I'm okay with either of the schools. Getting them all to school on my own worked out last year so I know it will work out again this year. Praise God for answered prayers!

Month number four is going to be here in no time with everything we have going on this month. Between rock band, hula, theater, cooking class, church camp, big r movie night, church, family day at church, practice for family day performance, doctor appointments, small group, and hopefully eye appointments, we will be pretty busy. I might add that Shay is performing a hula dance this Sunday and Syd is singing. She even has a solo. She's so excited to finally be able to sing in front of an audience instead of just in the shower. HeHe

Cheers to three months down and just six more to go until R&R! I can't wait to see you baby! I miss you and love you soooooooo much!

Personal Goals

If you remember earlier postings, I talked a little about how I'm the girl that doesn't say no. I have a hard time letting people down and I've recently come to the conclusion that it's because I don't want anyone to be mad at me. People can be brutal and a lot of times if a person gets mad they go to their other friends and tell them just how awful you are. They expect them, as their friend, to side with them simply because they are mad and things didn't go their way. All to often, that's exactly what happens and then you have even more people mad at you. I've too many times been the one that had to listen to these complains. (This is what many adults call high school behavior. Personally I really don't get that statement, because it happens in adult life more often than high school so maybe teens should call it adult behavior.)  I didn't want the complaints to actually be about me, though I'm quite sure it happened. In turn, I've been the one that went to a friend to vent too so why that concerned me, I have no idea at all. On the flip side of things, I believe it's okay to go to a friend with your problems and process through them. We all need someone to talk to when we're frustrated or irritated. However, there's a distinct difference between processing life and expecting the other person to take sides. In the greater scheme of things the only thing that really matters is what God thinks of me. It's not the opinions of others. Too bad I couldn't have put that into motion a long time ago!

God created us all equal, that's a true statement. However, He did not create us to all be alike. We all have our different ways of handling disappointment, different things that make us happy, different ways of raising our kids, and the list goes on. Who's to say that one persons way is better than another. In reality it's not better, simply different. Who are we to judge. I realize we're also all human and in reality we do judge others. Everyone has. If you saw a guy walking down the street with multiple rings, covered in black from head to toe, and his pants riding down below his butt, would you not do a double take and wonder "What is his problem" or "What was he thinking leaving his house like that". Of course you would. However, that person could be the kindest person you have ever met. A person that hasn't been in trouble a day in his life. You just don't know.

That last paragraph was a little off subject so I'll get back to it. I've always known this, but it finally became reality to me, after hearing our pastor speak on boundaries, that I too have boundaries. I have all to often let people cross those boundaries. What he said about becoming bitter with the person that crosses our personal boundaries, rings very true. However, when a person like me can't seem to say no, the boundaries get crossed time and time again. Once a person learns they can always come to you and know that your answer will always be yes, they will continue to come to you on a regular basis. That's no ones fault but my own. If I had learned the power of no to begin with, the problem wouldn't have existed to begin with. However on the other hand I feel that a person who really cares wouldn't put you in that situation to begin with. People need help sometimes. We all do. I get that. I'm happy to help out too. Please don't take this as me not wanting to help anyone ever at all. That's certainly not the case. I feel good when I'm able to be there for someone and to help them out. That's what we're here for, to live life together and to be there for one another. Sometimes however, it's just not a good time. Sometimes we go the distance so much and actually put ourselves out there, simply because we're afraid to say no, that it interferes with our family, our finances or even our sanity. Then there are those times that it's not a need you are asked for, simply a convenience. A convenience that the person could do on their own, but they don't because they know you will say yes. There is usually more than one option to solve a problem and if I need to say no than it's okay. I have realized that there are other options for people if they look for them. I don't have to feel bad because I have something else planned or I just don't feel right doing what's asked of me.

I'm still working on it, but I must say that I'm getting better at saying no. It's amazing how many friends I have that stand beside me and that actually don't get mad when I say no. Friends that completely understand and that actually push me to better myself and to accomplish my goals as an individual. To them I say a big THANK YOU! Thank you for your words of encouragement, thank you for allowing me to say no, and thank you for just being you! I'm calmer with my kids when things aren't stressful, I have more time for them, and my family as a whole gets along so much better. There will be bumps in the road I'm sure, and people that don't understand why I have to say no and stand up for myself and my family. That's okay. They just think differently than me and that's fine. To be a better wife and mom I feel I need to devote more time to my family without the stress of so many unnecessary obligations that pull me away from them.

So for my next goal in life, I plan to continue on making wise decisions and knowing when to say yes and when to say no, along with devoting more time to my family. My kids are individuals themselves, with different personalities and different ways of doing things. I want to enter their worlds a little more and understand them on a deeper level. Hopefully in this process, they will come to understand each other a little more and accept that things aren't always black and white.

Air Force Brat to Army Wife

On this independence day, I first want to say thank you to my dad and my husband for their service to our great country. I'm thankful to all of our military, in every branch, for the sacrifices they make in order for us to be a free nation.

I grew up enduring many days, weeks, and even months, of separation from my dad while he was traveling around the world with the air force. Fortunately those periods of separation weren't as long as many of our military families face today and his job didn't require him to be on the front lines, but for a young child, even those shorter periods of time seem like years. I remember many nights crawling into my mom's bed to fill that empty spot where my dad was suppose to be. I remember the phone calls he made to check on us and to make sure we were all doing okay. I also remember all the t-shirts and trinkets he would bring home for us from around the world. My dad was in the Air National Guard so we didn't have to move around at all. My sister and I grew up going to the same schools with the same friends clear through high school. I really think that experience growing up was just one of God's steps to prepare me for the life I now have as an Army wife, raising three Army kids.

It's a lot different for my kids than it was for me growing up. In the 6 years we've been in the army, they've already faced two pcs moves, two lengthy deployments, weeks of daddy being away for training, and currently our third deployment. I'm so thankful that God made our kids so resilient and so willing for change. They handle everything that our Army life throws at us with so much courage and strength. They embrace the changes, even through the difficult times of saying goodbye to daddy and saying goodbye to the friends they've made as we pcs to another station. They don't like the goodbyes, no one does, but they are always looking forward to the welcome homes and to making new friends. They always stay so positive and focus on the good things that are to come. From day one of daddy stepping on the ugly white bus they talk about what we will do for him when he comes home. During both of our moves, they have all made new friends from day one of being in our new place. That may be one of the benefits of living on post too. There are kids everywhere that are willing to welcome their new Army friends in with open arms. After all, they were that new kid once and will be again one day as they too move on to another station.

To the general public it may seem like a lot to go through. They may wonder why we put ourselves out there and actually volunteer for this lifestyle. There are many reasons that a soldier joins the service. Maybe it's to get help in furthering their education after high school. Maybe it's just to prove that they can do it. Maybe it's to carry on a family tradition. Maybe it's for the stability the military provides or the benefits that come along with it. Regardless of the initial reason they join, it's always for their country. It's always to stand up for the rights of our American citizens. It's always to protect our freedom and our way of life. As for the families, we voluntarily welcome this life with open arms because we too love our great country. What's greater than that, we love our soldiers with all our hearts and we would do anything to stand beside them. We will go the distance, no matter what that entails, to be sure our soldier have the strongest support system while deployed, or while away at training, and even when they're home. We will endure uncertainty, separation, anxiety, loneliness... Just to be able to spend our lives with the one person that God has created just for us. The one person that takes a piece of our heart no matter the distance between us!

Just remember as independence day has come and gone, that our troops are fighting for our freedoms every day. Let's not only pay tribute to them on those specific days we have set aside throughout the year, but honor them in our day to day lives. Keep them in your daily prayers, give them a hug, say thank you, or even just simply nod your head at them and smile. They are very humble in what they do, but in their hearts, those kind gestures make a world of difference. God Bless America and God Bless Our Military!

F.R.O.G.

I'm usually that girl that can make myself hold it together in most circumstances. I don't like to show emotion, I hate for people to see me cry, and I prefer people to think that I'm always doing just fine. Usually that just works for me and I'm sure to some extent I'll always be that way. That's just who I am. This weekend however, I've been really having a hard time holding it together. Not an easy thing for me to admit and if you were to walk up to me and ask, I would tell you we're doing great. If I'm doing great there's no reason to cry, no reason to be angry, no reason to show any emotion other than happiness. I don't think emotions are a weakness by any means, but I prefer to be happy so I force myself to be. Unfortunately, happiness is not at the front of my mind right now.

This past weekend I learned that a very good friend of ours, more like family to us, was injured in Afghanistan. I'm not going to include any details because it's not my place, but this affected me more than I could have ever thought. I know being married to a soldier and having so many military friends that it's a possibility for something to happen to someone I love, but knowing that and having it become reality are two different things. It's not something anyone can prepare themselves for. After six years of military life and two full deployments behind us, I haven't personally known any soldier that has been injured or worse. Maybe it made the back of my mind a little naive to think that anything could happen to someone I love. Reality really hits hard when it does. These emotions come to the surface that I couldn't suppress no matter how hard I try. I haven't even told our kids yet because I can't hold it together enough. I know how much they love him and it's going to really hit them hard too. Plus I don't want this to worry them even more about their daddy being gone. This is an occasion when I'm going to have to Fully Rely On God to give me the words to explain this to them. I'm going to have to pray that He can make our kids understand and that He can bring peace to their hearts, as well as mine and my husbands. What's worse is that my husband and I don't have each other to lean on right now. I know as a soldier he is fully aware of the risks, not only to himself but his friends. I also know how close he is to this soldier and that he's also hurting inside. I would give anything to be there for him and to hold him close. It makes it that much harder for me that it's impossible for me to be there. This is just another instance when I have to Fully Rely On God to comfort him and to bring peace to his heart. I believe that God allows things to happen to us for a reason and that He will always bring us through it if we turn to Him. I know that God has bigger and brighter plans for our friend and I Fully Rely On God to take care of our friend and to help him recover. No matter how much I wish I could be there next to my friend, my husband, and even my children and to make it all better, I do know the best thing I can do is to turn it all over to God and let him take control of everything. There really isn't anything I can do about any of it no matter how much I wish there was. The best thing to do is to let go and let God.

On top of all of this tonight my daughter got her heart broken once again. All she wanted to do was play with her friends and once again I found her sitting outside crying. It just breaks my heart that this happens to her every time she goes out to play. She tries so hard to play with everyone and to be friends with everyone, but it seems that's just not possible and it only gets her feelings hurts. She's frequently been told "If you're my friend you can't be her friend", "If you play with her I won't like you anymore", "Play with me or I won't be your friend"... You get the picture. I've even personally heard one of the girls out my window saying mean things to another one of her friends about my daughter, but then she went and denied it to her mom. That wasn't too long after we moved in so I let it go and didn't want to start anything as the new family in the neighborhood. I try and try to just stay out of it and let them work it out because how else will they learn. My thinking was that if I continually step in that would only make it worse and it would make my girls think they can always rely on me to make it better instead of learning how to deal with it on their own. I won't always be there to make it better so they have to learn. Tonight was the last straw for me. After over a year of dealing with this, I'm completely and utterly done with it. I'm so thankful for a daughter that can forgive and forget and go right out and play some more, but a person shouldn't have to deal with the same thing over and over. Forgiving doesn't mean you have to go and put yourself right back into that same situation time and time again. It's time for her to move on. It makes it that much harder that she gets along with most of them but when one specific kid comes out everything falls apart. It seems everyone competes to be her friend. She's the one I heard being mean so I just can't figure all of that out. I'm sad that my daughter will have to stay inside or go somewhere else to play because she treasures her friends, but enough is enough and it's time this ends. God will bring other friends into her life that will treat her with kindness no matter the situation. I just have to Fully Rely On God to help her understand and to help her make the right choices. I believe that God brings people into our lives for a reason or a season. Some become true forever friends and sometimes it's intended for us to move on. It's a hard lesson for a little girl to learn, but God will guide her through.

As your reading this, please take a minute to say a prayer for our friend, for my husband, for my kids, and even for me. I'm going to choose to go to bed tonight counting all my blessings and praising God for everything in our lives, including our heartache and trials. There's a reason behind it all and this too shall pass. God is good all the time and He will never change!

Fun Filled Week

This week has been amazing. I'm once again reminded of how blessed I am to have so many friends from so many different places. I can only hope I will retain all the information I've learned this week from my friends stories.

On Sunday I had the privilege of spending time with a friend from my childhood. She has been living in the Philippines for the past two years as a missionary, teaching young children among other things. She was passing through Hawaii on her way home to the mainland. We picked her up for church Sunday morning and spent much of the afternoon with her. We went to see the turtles at Turtle Beach, and of course we had to stop at Matsumoto's for shave ice.  I probably drove her crazy with all my questions, but she didn't seem to mind at all. Her stories about living in the Philippines were very interesting. I learned so much about their culture and what living there was like for her. What an amazing experience she had. Thanks for sharing the day with us my friend and for sharing your experiences with us!

Monday, the kids and I spent the day in Waikiki with a friend. We started off with some volcano nachos and a fabulous brownie ice cream desert at Jimmy Buffet's. We spent the next few hours just walking around and having a good old time. I don't think I've laughed that much since before my husband left almost 3 months ago. We're definitely going to have to do that more often!

Another highlight of our week was having some friends of ours from TX stop by on their way to Samoa. We met them at the church we went to in Killeen. The husband is from Samoa so they were on their way to visit with his family for a while. We picked them up Wed evening and had the privilege of their company till just this morning. We spent yesterday at the Lagoons, along with another friend we met at our Killeen church who is from here. The kids had a great time playing together and had a few adventures of their own. They caught a few little fish with a net and got to see a sea urchin and sea cucumber up close and personal. Shay came walking up to us with a big sea urchin in her hand. The husband had found it and handed it to her. She had no idea it was a living sea creature. When she had gotten up to where we were sitting it started to move and scared her silly. She threw it on the ground and screamed. It was so funny. Next thing we knew, Tristan came walking up to us with a big slimy sea cucumber. I was pretty surprised that he was willing to hold it, as disgusting as it was. After everyone had a chance to feel them and poke at them, the kids took them back to the water. After a short nights sleep I had to drop them off this morning to catch their flight on into Samoa. It was go good to catch up with friends and during their stay I learned a lot about Samoan culture. I'm looking forward to spending more time with them next month as they pass back through on their way home to the mainland.

It was a late night last night and an early morning this morning so I'm going to go lay down for a bit. Two of my kids are sleeping and it looks like the other one will soon be joining them.

Trinity, We miss you baby and wish you were here with us. We can't wait to have you home. We love you sooooo much!

My "Thing"

I'm not as faithful to this blog as I had intentionally planned in the beginning. During my husbands first deployment, I wrote to him every single night. For 9 months, that was the duration of his first deployment, I didn't miss even one single night. Our kids were younger then and required more attention than they do now so I figured that since I could do it then, I could do it now. Apparently, things have changed and that's just not my "thing" this deployment. There seems to be a "thing" every deployment that gets me through, but no two deployments are the same. The only thing that remains the same is prayer. Those other things are really just time passers. Prayer is the true "thing" that gets me through a deployment. God has a way of easing my mind and keeping the worry from overtaking my thoughts and driving me to insanity. I can't explain it, but God just gives me a sense of peace that truly transcends all understanding. I don't even want to imagine the feeling of worry and fear that would likely overtake my mind if it weren't for the mercy and grace of God.

As for my "things"... As I said, the first deployment was the letters. I also made sure to pack up a flat rate box every payday with goodies for my soldier, as well as his buddies. Along with that, I never once took off my husbands dog tags. I wore them to sleep, in the shower, to the pool, seriously I NEVER took them off. I put them on the day he boarded that ugly white bus and they didn't come off until the day the glorious white bus brought him back to me. I was so happy to shed those tags and hand them back over to my baby. The last thing of material significance was a jacket he hadn't put in the closet before he left. He left it hanging on the back of one the dining room chairs. That bright yellow jacket was on the back of the same chair he left it on when he walked through the door 9 months later. It never left that spot. Oh, and I almost forgot, I wore one of his pt shirts, along with a pair of his flag colored pj pants to bed every night. Yes people I did wash them. HeHe  The most important thing, as I mentioned before, were my constant prayers. Looking back, I remember being faithful to pray every morning as I woke up and every night as I went to bed. In between that I focused on being busy to pass the time away. I also remember thoughts of worry frequently crossing my mind as I tried battling them on my own. It didn't instantaneously cross my mind that if I would just ask God to take the thoughts away and replace them with positive thoughts I would feel so much better. I did make it through the "short deployment turned long" and I know that despite trying to get through my days on my own, God was still there.

To explain the short turned long statement, the deployment initially started out as a 6 month deployment. My husband's unit was a support unit that did 6 months gone and 6 months home. It was a continuous cycle like that. However, this happened to be the unit's 5th deployment, our first, and things were changing. As I remember, we all know my memory isn't well so I could have the time frame a little off, we had around 2 months to go when rumors started circulating that they were getting extended. All of my Army friends know that rumors run rampid especially during a deployment. With it being my first I really didn't know what to expect to come of it. Just over a month before we were expecting our soldiers home, we got officially word that they had indeed been extended for another 3 months. I can't remember what I was feeling at that point, disappointment I'm sure. Looking back now though, 9 months is nothing and it actually turned out to be a blessing in disguise. Our unit didn't get R&R because of the short length of time they were gone and when my husband got back we realized that we could go 9 months without seeing each other and survive just fine. Now, when facing a year apart, we are confident from the beginning that we can do 9 months without R&R. That makes the second part after R&R seem like a piece of cake. Three months left after R&R is nothing. By the time he boards the plane to go back, he's stepping back off the plane for good in no time flat. That's just more proof that God has motives behind everything we face in life. Whether we like the circumstances or not, God will turn it all around for good.

So, back to my "things". The second deployment wasn't as dramatic as the first. I still wrote to him, though not every night. I still sent him boxes of goodies, though not every payday. I still wore his dog tags, though I did take them off for special occasions when they looked silly with a dress and at the pool when they tend to get so hot they feel like they are burning your skin. Of course I didn't wear them when he was home on R&R either. The one item that stayed where it was the whole deployment was a coin bottle that was sitting on top of the fridge. I hated that big ugly bottle, but it was a reminder of my husband. He put it there and it was going to be there when he got home. He had to come home because that ugly thing had to eventually be moved out of my sight. HeHe Looking at it while he was gone made me smile though. I also still wore his pt shirts at night along with his pj pants, though some nights I would wear a different pair of his pj pants instead of the flag ones. Again, I would pray for him every night before bed and every morning when I got up. This deployment was a little different during the day though. I would find myself unintentionally being reminded throughout the day that I needed to say a prayer for him. When I would start to feel lonely or feel any degree of worry, God would remind me to say a prayer for my husband which in turn made me feel so much better. The worry was less intense and happened less often during this deployment. It had to be God's intervention.

Here we are just 2 months into our third deployment. This one is so much different in so many ways. The one materialistic constant is that I still wear his pt shirts at night. In fact, after I left I noticed there were more left here than normal. I mentioned that to him last month and he said he already knew that. He had left extra shirts at home just for me. I know it's a little thing, but it's the little things that make me feel so loved. Just that he thought of that and was thinking of me brought me happiness. As for the letters and care packages, they aren't getting sent out quite as often as last deployment. My goal was to send a card or letter at least once a week, but time seems to slip away and that hasn't been happening. As for packages, they can get costly. We have financial goals set and those goals will be near impossible to reach if I send a box every payday. I always use flat rate boxes and you'd be surprised, if you aren't a military wife, how much stuff you can cram into one of those boxes. When I send a box I make sure it's packed tight. If there's room for another pack of gum, I'm running to the store to get some so there's no wasted space in the box. I'm going to make it worth the shipping cost. On top of that, even a pack of gum these days isn't the cost it use to be and if you're buying it in Hawaii, you can be sure it's even more. Anyhow, my husband knows I love him and that I think of him constantly even if he's not receiving mail every day. He also knows I'm just a phone call away, or computer call, if he wants to talk. I'm getting off track again. This deployment, he left a pair of sunglasses sitting on top of the cabinet in the dining room and a pair of swim trunks are hanging on the towel rack in our bathroom. Yes, they are clean. Those are the items that will still be in the same place when he gets home. As for prayer, I now pray constantly. Every morning, every night, and all day long. I don't wait for those lonely or worry moments. In fact, I can count on one hand all the times that a worry moment has even crept up on me. God is constantly reassuring me that everything is going to be okay. Deployments are no fun, anyway you look at it, but this one has been so much easier. I know, just because I believe and trust, but also by looking back to my previous experiences, that it most certainly is God who is in control. No just of the situation, but of how I deal with the situation. The more I turn to God, the more He shows Himself to me. It's just amazing!

I miss my husband more than I could put into words, but something greater is going to come out of this deployment. Something that will make me look back and thank God for putting me in this situation. I can only speculate at this point and say that maybe it's the closer relationship I have formed with Him, maybe it's the friendships I have formed here that are becoming stronger because of the deployment, maybe it's all of that along with something I just don't know about yet. I'm quite certain of the first two reasons actually, but I really think there's going to be more to it. This year long journey has just begun so only time will tell. Until then I will keep praying continuously and I will simply trust God to take care of my husband and to get our kids and I through the next year with smiles still wide across our faces the whole time.

After all is said is done, we all have our things that we do to get through a deployment. They are things that remind us of our spouse or keep our minds busy or pass the time away. To me, all of these things are just that, they are things. They are my attempt to feel closer to my husband. My attempt to feel like I'm doing something for him. My attempt to keep reminders around me that reassure me he is coming home safe. After all is said and done though, I would have to say that the one constant that has and always will truly get me through a deployment, or any other situation for that matter, has to be God. God isn't going to fall out of sight if the sunglasses happen to fall off of the cabinet. He isn't going to take a vacation if a letter or package doesn't get mailed. He's not going to desert my husband or I if I fall asleep at night before changing into my husband's pt shirt. He's going to be right beside both of us and He will show his presence in our lives simply because we want Him to, simply because He loves us that much!

Finding My "No"

For those of you that really know me, you know that I have issues with telling people no, especially friends. It makes me extremely happy to be able to help someone out and to make their life more enjoyable or easier. However, in the quest to show God's love to everyone, I often get trampled on and taken advantage of. I blame no one for this except myself. I have got to learn to say no when it interferes with my family or even just starts to wear me out. That's something I've been working on for a couple years now, but for some reason or other the word "no" does not find it's way out of my mouth very easily. Where this really starts to become a problem for me is when people just expect me to step in and do something. Instead of asking, it's more of a "here's what I need from you" statement. Maybe because I'm very independent, see next paragraph, I prefer to be asked for helped and not told to help. I also get frustrated when I start to realize that what I'm doing isn't really appreciated, but expected. I sometimes feel like the go to girl because after a while people realize I have a hard time saying no. I've recently come to the conclusion that the things that get to me the most are the things I know a person is capable of, but would just rather have someone else do because that someone else, namely me in this blog, won't say no for fear of hurting feelings or making them mad. I've always been that way since I can remember. Side note: Since my memory isn't that good, I would say this pertains mostly to my adult life.  

Also, if you know me well, you will know that I am a girl who is very independent and I do not ask for help unless I absolutely can not do it myself, like changing a tire. hehe However, after I recently needed that ability, (I really appreciate my friend and her husband for this. It wasn't easy asking for help, but I had no other choice.) I have decided to have my husband teach me how as soon as he gets home. I don't like having to rely on anyone for anything. The only exception to that is my husband, but that's what we are suppose to do as husband and wife, rely on each other. Of course that all goes out the window during deployments since he's not here. 

I do have a point to all of this and there is a reason I even bring it up at all. We started a new series at church today entitled "Boundaries, Freeing the Real You". As much as I love our guest speakers, I'm so glad Pastor Norman was speaking today. I could sit and listen to him for hours. Sometimes I'm a little disappointed when service comes to an end because I just want him to keep talking. This morning, during portions of his sermon, he was talking directly to me. It was definitely no coincidence I was there, It was all God. He had something for me to hear. I had good friends on either side of me this morning and they both looked over at me as soon as Pastor started speaking. They too, knew that Pastor was speaking directly to me.

The part that was for me, was about how we all have boundaries. Bear with me because my memory isn't so great as to use Pastor's words and his words were perfect. Mine will certainly be less than mediocre compared to his, plus I'm only talking about the portions that I really needed to hear today, but here it goes... God has this line set in front of us that should not be crossed or compromised. One of his main points was that "We often compromise due to the fear of rejection, aloneness and dis-connection." Honestly, I always felt that I would say yes to everyone because I simply wanted to make others happy. However, after today, I'm thinking maybe it is more of a fear of making someone mad at me. He went on to say that "We stay connected to others by pleasing God first. All else follows." Matthew 6:33 says "But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given unto you as well." As I am sitting here thinking that over, I think that by compromising the boundaries that we as individuals have, we are not seeking God first. When we cross the boundary we end up turning bitter, having resentment, and eventually disconnect from the person we crossed our boundary for. Those are not feelings that we should have when seeking God first. God is a loving God and if we're doing what He has planned for us and seeking his direction for our lives, we will not have those bitter, resentful feelings. Those feelings only come to us from the enemy. I for one do not want to let the enemy have any control over my feelings.

The concluding statement of this message for me, is what Pastor said at the end. "Establish a healthy, secure "yes" and a healthy, secure "no". "Simply let your 'Yes' be 'Yes' and your 'No' be 'No' be 'No' ; anything beyond that comes from the evil one." (Matthew 5:37) That's what I intend to do from now on. I can't do it alone, but I know that God is right here beside me and He will help me accomplish this much needed goal. Thank you God for being a loving God who forgives me for turning bitter. Thank you for helping me to turn from my old ways so that I can be a better example of what it's like to have a personal relationship with you!

Out with the "Old Me" in with the "New"!

Prayers!

I know I haven't been very faithful to this blog thing lately. In the quest to stay busy to pass the time away, I've just been too tired at night to even think straight. The good news is that time really is flying by rather quickly. In just a few days we will be at our 2 month mark. Since it's summertime, I anticipate the next two months to fly by just as quickly. Before I know it my husband will be home on r&r! I really don't think about his final homecoming at this point because it's too far off in the distance. I'd rather just focus on the next time we can finally be together without the computer screen separating us. By then we will only have a few months left and we can start our final countdown from there. It's so much easier for me to do this in small increments instead of looking at the whole picture. Unfortunately I don't think time is going by so quickly for my husband. I can see why since he's away from home and separated from the life we have built together during the past 14 years. I know how much I miss him and he had to leave so much more behind. I still have our kids to hug at night and all our comforts of home, aside from the comfort of having him next to me. He will make it through this though. His job over there is so much bigger than all of this. It has to be, or God would not have sent him there... If you're reading this baby, I pray for you nonstop and you really will be home soon. In the bigger scheme of things a year really isn't all that long, not compared to the fact that we still have an eternity together. We love you so much more than you could comprehend and we'll be waiting for you the second you step off that plane!

Honestly, as I sit here I can't even remember all the things we've done this week. Sometimes as I look back it's like we just walk through our days, or rather run sometimes, and when it's all over with I lay down to sleep just thanking God for getting us through another day without my husband. Every time I lay my head down it just means we're one day closer to having him home. Then when morning comes I thank God for a new day with new adventures and I pray for the day to go by quickly so I can lay my head down on my husbands pillow once again and start thanking God all over again for getting us through another day. Of course I'm also always praying for my husband's safety, as well as every military member in harms way, and for time to pass quickly for them as well. The power of prayer can do so much in a person's life. I can tell you for a fact that my prayers have always been heard and that God has always answered. Our soldiers could really use all the prayers they can get. Please find some time every day to say a prayer for our soldiers who are so far from home and long to safely return to the arms of the families they love so dearly. I've been asked many times since my husband started his career in the military what people can do to show their support. In all reality, you may not think your doing enough by simply taking some time to pray, but that's the very best thing you can do for them.

Good night my bloggy friends. It's time for me to lay my head down on my husbands pillow and thank God for getting us through another deployment day with love in our hearts and smiles on our faces. Tomorrow is a new day with new adventures just waiting for us to get there.

Shay's Baptism!

I'm so tired, I have two little girls sitting here with me and I can't concentrate on what I'm writing to save my life. Last night I totally even forgot to blog. I didn't realize it until I got up this morning. We have been keeping so busy that by the end of the day I'm just so tired that my brain doesn't want to function and my body just wants to shut down for the night.

Church service this morning was fabulous, as always. Since it's Memorial weekend they focused a lot on the military and sacrifices they make. I really should have remembered my tissues. I knew what was coming before I walked out the door this morning, but totally forgot to stash tissues in my purse. I'm the girl that tears up every time I hear the National Anthem, whether my husband is deployed or not. It's much worse when he's gone though. I think I did pretty well under the circumstances this morning. It really helped that I had a good friend sitting next to me that is also going through this deployment. I was just really touched at how appreciative our church is of our military. This mornings service was beautiful!

After church we had our annual Splash Bash! It started out with water baptism. My Shay was one of the many who were immersed in water to emerge as a new creation in Christ! I'm so proud of her and I'm excited to see what God has planned for her life. I didn't know it beforehand but my sister and her daughter were also signed up to be baptized this morning. Shay got in line with her cousin and they decided to get into the pool and be baptized together. It was great!

After the baptisms we enjoyed the afternoon eatting and playing in the water. Well, the kids played in the water anyhow. They had a blow up water slide and a blow up slip and slide along with the pools. It was a fun afternoon. If you're my friend on facebook you can see more pics there!

We spent the rest of the day with friends. We picked up a crib, put it together, took the kids to the splash park, ate dinner together, watched a movie, started a fire in the oven...oops, did I really just admit that?! I guess I did and I'll also admit it was all my fault and that the hot dog bun didn't look so good after being saved from the flame. HeHe Just call me clumsy! That wasn't the first time I started a fire in an oven. In middle school I dropped the oven mit into the oven while we were cooking in class and it caught on fire. I should probably stay away from ovens, but I haven't burnt down a house, or a school, yet... On that note let me ask for prayers so that never happens! Nighty Night!

Running!

I'm a little nervous about waking up in the morning after all the walking and running I did today. My legs are sore now and I can only imagine what they will feel like after being relaxed in one position all night. This morning the kids and I decided to take Tibbles for a walk. My oldest and youngest were on skateboards and Shay held Tibbles leash. We didn't get far when I had a brilliant idea. My friend borrowed my truck for a couple days while her van was getting worked on. She called yesterday to say it was fixed, so I decided we could walk across post to pick it up. We came back home to get some water and headed out to her house. I'm not really good at guessing distance, but I'd say it was over a mile. That's not really very far in reality, but most of the way I was practically speed walking to keep up with the skateboards.

This afternoon was pretty uneventful. We played some games and picked up around the house a little and watched some tv. My husband called on skype this afternoon which was fabulous! I love talking to him and seeing him on the computer screen. I'm so ready to see him in person, but he'll be home in God's time. What a fabulous day that will be. I can just see him now, walking off the plane and running towards me. I can hardly wait! Until then Skype will have to do... I love you baby!

Tristan had his babysitters course today through the edge program here on post. When I went to pick him up, he said he had a good time, but it was a little awkward. He ended up being the only boy there. Luckily he knew one of the girls so he had someone to sit with. He's not a shy kid by any means and he really doesn't care what other people think about him (he gets that from his dad) so I'm sure he was just fine.

This evening I had the bright idea of going for a short run. My legs were already sore from running last night and then all the walking this morning. If I keep it up though, my legs will get use to it and stop hurting. I just have to convince myself to stay motivated. I just keep telling myself that if my husband can do what he's doing than the least I can do is start running again so when he gets back I'll be able to go the distance with him. He loves it when I go running with him and since we've been here in Hawaii I haven't done much of that with him. When he gets home I'll be in shape and ready to keep him company on his runs... All for you baby!

 I loved spending so much time with my kids today. If this is any indication of how the whole summer will be, it will be a great one! The only thing missing is Trint, but you can be sure we'll be spending as much time as possible on skype with him... We can't wait to see you again baby! We love you so much!

Last Day of School

I thrive on busy days when my husband is away. It passes time so much faster than sitting at home doing nothing. As you can tell after reading all my posts, I'm definately not lacking in things to do. Today was no exception. I got a text from a friend this morning asking if I'd like to play kickball at the school with our girls 5th grade class. I admit I was a little hesitant at first, simply because I had just sat down after taking the kids to school and wasn't planning on going anywhere. It didn't take long to decide I shouldn't sit at home, and my daughter would appreciate that I took the time to spend with her. I ran upstairs to change and put my hair up and headed to the school. I'm really glad I did. My friend and I ended up spending the whole day with the class. We played kick ball, dodge ball, minute to win it, ate hot dogs and other treats, played a game that involved basketball and math, and had ice cream. During first recess I found Syd and stayed with her for a little while too. It was a good day!

After school we came home and skyped with my mom for a little while, then went to the park so the girls could play with their friends. To top off the day I went for a run while Syd rode her bike. My run was cut a little short when Syd's bike pedal fell off. I tried to put it back on, but the screw was stripped so I ended up walking a little more than I had planned. We were already on our way back home so it wasn't cut too short. That really doesn't matter anyhow. I just had fun spending a little one on one time with her.

I'm excited to see what adventures God has in store for us this summer. I know one thing for sure, my alarm will not be set to 5:30 every weekday during the summer. In fact, it will not be set at all unless something comes up on occasion. I'm looking forward to sleeping in a little. Another good thing about summer is that it always flies by so fast and before we know it school will be starting up for another year. That means my husband will be home for r&r before we know it because once school starts we'll be so busy with that, that time will continue to move forward quickly. As I said before, I don't wish time to just slip away from us, I just pray for time to go quickly while my husband is away so we have him back home and our family can be together again. All in God's perfect timing though. He's always so good to us and I trust He will always do the right thing for our family. What I want isn't always for the best so I leave it all to God.

Nonstop Day

Holy toledo! Today was the busiest day yet. I was doing something from the time I woke up until now. It was a good kind of busy though. It started this morning with getting myself ready (to include shower, hair, and makeup), while making a pizza (homemade I might add, not one of those frozen ones) for one of Tristan's classes, while doing Shay's hair, while keeping Syd focused (that's the most challenging task) on getting ready. All this in just one hour and 20 minutes.

I got the middle school kids dropped off and stayed at the girls school with them for Shay's aloha ceremony. They still have one day of school left, but she has her certificate and is off to middle school with her brother next year. After the ceremony we made our way to the library for a literacy program. The kids got a copy of Charlotte's Web and we did a project after reading the first chapter with our child. I signed Shay out after that so I could take her to lunch. As we were leaving the school we noticed Syd outside with her class playing in the sprinklers. Shay wanted to go say hi to her so we did. Then we were off to Taco Bell. It was a short day at school, as it is every Wednesday, so after lunch we had to head back to the school to pick up Syd.

When we got home, we had just enough time to clean up the house a little before we had to go to Syd's theater class. Unfortunately I was so frazzled today that I got times mixed up and Syd was an hour late to class. Her teacher let her stay for the next class with the older kids. I felt terrible, but Syd didn't care and she had fun. I guess we all mess up at some point and this isn't something that is life changing so it is what it is. While she was in class I went to the office to enroll them in their classes for the summer. Syd is sticking with theater, Tristan is sticking with rock band, and Shay has decided to not only stick with cooking but to add hula. I'm so excited that Shay is finally coming out of her shell and participating in more things. She's definately growing up right before my eyes.

We came home from theater just in time for Shay and I to make blueberry struesel coffee cake and muffins for sgo. Before they were even done baking the ladies were here! YAY! We had great conversation and just a fabulous time praying and processing life together. There were only three of us tonight, but it was very productive and although I missed those that couldn't make it, God has a funny way of putting us just where we need to be at just the right moment. To top off the evening, Shay has decided to be baptized this Sunday at our church splash bash. The only reason she didn't do it in the past was her fear of going under water. After she talked with us tonight, she has decided she's ready! I can't wait for Sunday to get here! 

After my busy day, I'm now ready for bed. Nighty Night everyone!

Good night Trinity! Sweet Dreams! I love you more than all the circles! Muah! Muah! Muah! 

God's Peace

I'm going to bed tonight with sadness in my heart. It's breaking for our army families who recently lost their loved ones. I just can't even imagine what they must be going through right now. I just pray that I never have to find out first hand.

My mind is blank tonight, though somehow God is continueing to put this peace in my heart that is beyond my understanding. I would expect the recent circumstances would bring more worry to me, yet it hasn't. God is reassuring me that He's in control of everything in my life, in my families life, and that no matter what we will be okay. We have Him and that's ultimately all we need.

It's been a busy evening so I'm going to go to bed to rest up for the busy day I have tomorrow.

Note: My wireless internet stopped working last night when I was posting this and I was too tired to come down to fix it so that's why it wasn't posted last night.

Beautiful Moments

Headaches are no fun at all. Since we've been in Hawaii I get them regularly. I've heard a lot of people complain about headaches here and I'm told it's the barometric pressure. I really have no idea, but the one thing I do know is that it's annoying. I went to bed last night with a slight headache but after taking some tylenol I figured it would be gone by morning. My husband woke me up on skype around midnight and I felt fine. Perhaps that was simply because I was happy to talk to him. When I woke up this morning, it was worse. If I didn't have to get kids to school I would not have gotten out of bed when the alarm went off. However, I did have kids that needed to be at school on time so I somehow managed to get them all out the door on time. I had planned to go back to bed when I got home, but I was so wide awake that was not happening.

Despite the headache I went into Syd's room and got started cleaning. She usually does it herself, after several days of being stuck in there until it's done, but occasionally I go in and thoroughly clean it. I do that with all the kids, but expecially Syd. She's my child that keeps absolutely everything. Nothing gets thrown away, including small pieces of scrap paper. She claims that she may use it later. That's probably true with all the writing, cutting, and glueing she does, but it drives me nuts to walk in her room and see so many projects that she's started and never finished. When she walked into her room after school she was so excited. She said thank you many times and she promised to keep it clean since mommy spent her day cleaning just for her. I can't even begin to tell you how appreciative she was. It was definately worth my time to do this for her.

As slow as I was moving today, that was pretty much all I got accomplished, aside from the laundry that needed catching up. By afternoon my headache was finally completely gone, but by then I was tired. Too bad I couldn't have been tired when I had the headache. Of course then I wouldn't have gotten Syd's room done. Everything always seems to work out for the best in the end.

Tonight as I was sitting on the chair watching tv with the girls, Shay came up to me and wanted a hug. Apparently she got very comfortable because she fell asleep on my lap. Syd got the cam and snapped a picture. That's definately a moment to remember.

Today was the first time I missed a call from my husband. Not a good feeling. Regardless of the fact that he understands and it doesn't bother him, it does bother me. There isn't a whole lot I can do for him from this far away, but being here when he calls is one thing I can do. Fortunately, he called me back just a short while ago. Yay! I feel much better now!... I hope you have a good day baby! I'll talk to you again soon! I love you! Oh, and here's a picture of the roses you bought me. I waited a little too long to take the picture so they aren't at their best, but they have been beautiful and they just keep blooming! I LOVE YOU!

Kid's Church

I really don't know what to write about today. I have so many thoughts going through my head and there's so much going on in the world. Not even all of it affects me directly, but it still touches my heart. Last night and then again today, tornados have reaked havok on my home state. Last night a town south of where I grew up was devasted. Many homes were completely destroyed, businesses gone, peoples lives have been turned upside down. Then today another town was hit. I don't personally know anyone from either of these places, but I know people that do. My very best friend was born in the town that was destroyed today. She knows people that are still living there and has strong ties to the town.Relatives on my husbands side of the family lived there for several years and they also have friends that are still living there. To see the devastation in pictures and to wonder what they must be going through just breaks my heart. If you're reading this please say a prayer for everyone that has been affected by these storms.

Church this morning was great as always. We concluded the series "Heaven is for Real". It was a great one. I can't wait to see what the next series will bring. It seems that every Sunday there is something in it that I can relate to or something I need to work on. It's great how God always finds a way to get through to us. Sometimes there are things we don't even realize we need to work on or we just haven't ever thought about until it's brought up and it's like a lightbulb goes off over your head. Today is the last Sunday I have my amazing group of kids until after summer academy. During the summer we do something different with the kids. We offer them a choice between 5 classes that they can do during our summer. This year we have basketball, hula, praise and worship, water color painting, and photography. It's not grouped by age, just by catagory. At the end of summer academy we have a big family day where the kids can display their talents they have been working on. This was something new to me last year, but it was great. The kids loved it, as well as the teachers. After summer academy I'll still have my 2nd graders who will then be 3rd graders, but I'll be losing my 3rd graders because they'll be moving up to the next class. I will however be gaining some new kids that are moving up from the 1st grade. I'm excited to have new kids and to see what God has in store for them and me. One of my kids stopped me before class today and really made my day. He came to the earlier service today so he wasn't in my class, but usually I have him. He asked why I didn't teach him today. I told him it's only because he was at the earlier service and I teach later. He said, "But you're the fun teacher". What a sweet kid. I guess I must be doing something right for the kids to want to be with me. I love them all so much so that really made me happy to know I'm making a difference. The other day I had a mom tell me that her daughter didn't want to go to the early service because she wanted to be in my class. She argued with her mom about it, but she had a performance later in the day so the early service worked out better for them that Sunday. My kids are amazing and so sweet! I can't even begin to tell you how much I love teaching them!

Tonight I went back for the evening service to fill in because our co director had her son's high school graduation to attend. It was so much different in the evening. It's a relatively new thing becasue we just opened up an earlier evening service with kid's church provided. Most of the kids were newer and I had never met them before. It was a very small class of just 8 kids I think. I can't remember because I didn't actually count but it was small. They range in age from K-6th. I thought that would be a challenge in itself to keep everyone interested, but it went so smoothly. They all listened and participated and it was really a lot of fun for them and for me.

After all the busyness from the day, I'm tired so I'm going to cut this short and get myself some sleep. No more late nights for me. Yea right, we'll see how that goes with summer just around the corner. hehe Nighty Night!

Patiently Waiting

After last nights sleepover, I think it's safe to say we will not be doing that again any time soon. I spent the better part of my morning and early afternoon cleaning downstairs. I still have no idea how it happened, but there was wax and green gooey putty all over the place. The wax came from my scentsy warmer, but it's sitting in the corner of my computer desk completely out of the way. The girls shouldn't have been anywhere near it. It was splattered all over the desk and Tristans school binder is completely covered. Good thing they only have a few days left of school. I can say for sure that it is not all going to come off, but on the up side he will have the best smelling binder in school. They did try to wipe it up, but of course it dried quick so they didn't get much of it at all. Then they took the towel they tried using and put it on the island in the kitchen. There was wax shavings on the floor from point a to point b and it came off of the towel onto the island. What a mess. It took me a while to figure out what the green goo was. I asked them but didn't get a straight answer, or just didn't understand what they were trying to say. I found the container and realized it was that glow in the dark oozy stuff that for whatever reason kids love to smoosh between their fingers. It reminded me of the green ooze from teenage mutant ninja turtles toys. Don't ask why I came up with that. I never played with the turtles and I have no idea why that popped into my mind. They had rolled it up in little balls and I found the balls all over, even in Shay's hair. She had fallen asleep earlier than her friend and sister so they threw it at her. Some of it came out of her hair, but apparently just throwing it wasn't enough and someone, her sister uhhum, decided to take it a step further and smash a piece in her hair to turn it green. Not such a great idea. They had fun, or not so much, helping me clean this morning. I was not a happy momma.

Other than that I just stayed home today and did laundry. In between loads I sat around being lazy. Well, when I wasn't getting the kids meals, or running upstairs to bring my puppy, who was for some reason being very crazy today, back down the stairs, or running Shay and her friend back and forth between houses. Oh, and Shay had cooking class this afternoon and I had to run to the commissary to get some hygiene things to send my husband. Okay, so maybe I wasn't being lazy at all. I was able to watch a whole movie on lifetime this afternoon while the kids were all out playing though. I guess that's really all the time I had to be lazy. Even then I was folding clothes while I watched. I'm tired just after writing all of that. HeHe

I got to skype with my husband today. I'm so grateful that he gets ahold of me every chance he gets, if even for just a few minutes as he's passing through his room. My husband truly is the best of the best. He's the best husband, daddy and soldier. I'm so blessed to be married to such an amazing man. I love you baby and I'm so proud of what you stand for. You mean the world to me. I can't wait to have you back home with me and our kids. Just keep looking up and God will guide you through this deployment. You will be back home before you know it. I'll be waiting with my arms wide open, ready to close them around you! I love you soooo much! Muah! Muah! Muah!