Personal Goals

If you remember earlier postings, I talked a little about how I'm the girl that doesn't say no. I have a hard time letting people down and I've recently come to the conclusion that it's because I don't want anyone to be mad at me. People can be brutal and a lot of times if a person gets mad they go to their other friends and tell them just how awful you are. They expect them, as their friend, to side with them simply because they are mad and things didn't go their way. All to often, that's exactly what happens and then you have even more people mad at you. I've too many times been the one that had to listen to these complains. (This is what many adults call high school behavior. Personally I really don't get that statement, because it happens in adult life more often than high school so maybe teens should call it adult behavior.)  I didn't want the complaints to actually be about me, though I'm quite sure it happened. In turn, I've been the one that went to a friend to vent too so why that concerned me, I have no idea at all. On the flip side of things, I believe it's okay to go to a friend with your problems and process through them. We all need someone to talk to when we're frustrated or irritated. However, there's a distinct difference between processing life and expecting the other person to take sides. In the greater scheme of things the only thing that really matters is what God thinks of me. It's not the opinions of others. Too bad I couldn't have put that into motion a long time ago!

God created us all equal, that's a true statement. However, He did not create us to all be alike. We all have our different ways of handling disappointment, different things that make us happy, different ways of raising our kids, and the list goes on. Who's to say that one persons way is better than another. In reality it's not better, simply different. Who are we to judge. I realize we're also all human and in reality we do judge others. Everyone has. If you saw a guy walking down the street with multiple rings, covered in black from head to toe, and his pants riding down below his butt, would you not do a double take and wonder "What is his problem" or "What was he thinking leaving his house like that". Of course you would. However, that person could be the kindest person you have ever met. A person that hasn't been in trouble a day in his life. You just don't know.

That last paragraph was a little off subject so I'll get back to it. I've always known this, but it finally became reality to me, after hearing our pastor speak on boundaries, that I too have boundaries. I have all to often let people cross those boundaries. What he said about becoming bitter with the person that crosses our personal boundaries, rings very true. However, when a person like me can't seem to say no, the boundaries get crossed time and time again. Once a person learns they can always come to you and know that your answer will always be yes, they will continue to come to you on a regular basis. That's no ones fault but my own. If I had learned the power of no to begin with, the problem wouldn't have existed to begin with. However on the other hand I feel that a person who really cares wouldn't put you in that situation to begin with. People need help sometimes. We all do. I get that. I'm happy to help out too. Please don't take this as me not wanting to help anyone ever at all. That's certainly not the case. I feel good when I'm able to be there for someone and to help them out. That's what we're here for, to live life together and to be there for one another. Sometimes however, it's just not a good time. Sometimes we go the distance so much and actually put ourselves out there, simply because we're afraid to say no, that it interferes with our family, our finances or even our sanity. Then there are those times that it's not a need you are asked for, simply a convenience. A convenience that the person could do on their own, but they don't because they know you will say yes. There is usually more than one option to solve a problem and if I need to say no than it's okay. I have realized that there are other options for people if they look for them. I don't have to feel bad because I have something else planned or I just don't feel right doing what's asked of me.

I'm still working on it, but I must say that I'm getting better at saying no. It's amazing how many friends I have that stand beside me and that actually don't get mad when I say no. Friends that completely understand and that actually push me to better myself and to accomplish my goals as an individual. To them I say a big THANK YOU! Thank you for your words of encouragement, thank you for allowing me to say no, and thank you for just being you! I'm calmer with my kids when things aren't stressful, I have more time for them, and my family as a whole gets along so much better. There will be bumps in the road I'm sure, and people that don't understand why I have to say no and stand up for myself and my family. That's okay. They just think differently than me and that's fine. To be a better wife and mom I feel I need to devote more time to my family without the stress of so many unnecessary obligations that pull me away from them.

So for my next goal in life, I plan to continue on making wise decisions and knowing when to say yes and when to say no, along with devoting more time to my family. My kids are individuals themselves, with different personalities and different ways of doing things. I want to enter their worlds a little more and understand them on a deeper level. Hopefully in this process, they will come to understand each other a little more and accept that things aren't always black and white.