Throughout the day at any mention of the fact that it was the dreaded day I was brought to tears. I just couldn't hold them back. I wanted so desperately to be strong for my husband and for our kids, but I just couldn't stop the flow of tears. It's hard enough to be strong for myself, but to see my kids brought to tears and the sadness on their face knowing that they can't hug their dad for a long time just breaks my heart. Seeing my husband be so strong for all of us yet knowing that he too is hurting at the thought of being away. Seeing on his face that the smile he's showing is forced in effort of helping the kids and I feel better made me even more sad. It was not a good day for any of us.
We showed up to the quad around noon and sat in the car until time for him to report for weapons draw, 30 minutes later. We sat around after that just waiting since he wasn't allowed to leave with his weapon. We had no idea how long we'd be there waiting, however I was hoping the whole time that the day wouldn't ever end and that those dreaded buses would get lost on their way. Had I know it would take so long, very different from our last two experiences with deployment, I would have packed us a lunch. Instead I ended up running to the food court so we wouldn't all starve. The whole time I was rushing around praying that I wouldn't miss a second more with my husband than necessary. When I got back I hadn't missed a thing. Everyone was still sitting around waiting. We ate our Subway, pizza for Tristan, and proceded to sit and wait. I sat next to my husband the whole time just holding on to him and not wanting to ever let go. They finally called them for accountability formation so we walked over with him and I couldn't take my eyes off of him for a minute. After they released them, we sat around and waited some more. Part of me just wanted to get it over with and the other part of me just wanted to hang on to him for dear life. As they were called for final formation before loading the bus, we said our I love you's and watched him as he stood there with his fellow soldiers. It wasn't very formal and families were entering the formation for one last hug from their soldiers so I let Syd run to her daddy for a final hug. Of course I took the opportunity to hold on to him one last time also. I didn't care about formalities I just wanted his arms around me one last time. We walked in line with him to the bus and snuck in one last kiss before finally we just had to turn and walk away. The girls were sobbing and holding on to me as I was holding on to them for comfort also. I could feel my soldier's eyes on us as we walked away. My heart just sank as we drove home without the man that glues our family together. As soon as we walked in the door I lost it. The girls sat down on the couch with me and we cried together. Tristan just quietly went up to his room to play his xbox. I know he was hurting, but he was trying to be strong and deal with it in his own way so I just let him be. A little while later we headed to bed. The girls didn't want to be alone, and frankly neither did I, so they crawled into my bed to cuddle with mommy. My thoughtful husband secretely sprayed his cologne around our bedroom before we left to drop him off, so I drifted off to sleep with the scent of him in the air and on my pillow...
{{{hugs}}} to my family. I wish I was there for you, the girls and tristin. it was so hard to read. thank you for sharing your day.
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