Searching for Church

Looking back, I have to admit it. The thought of leaving Hawaii to start life in Colorado, while quite exciting, also left me with the sadness of leaving our last three years behind. We had so many wonderful adventures on the islands that will forever be treasured memories. Aside from the daily rain episodes the weather didn't often disappoint us. The quietness of the North Shore beaches made for peaceful get-aways while the fast paced life of Waikiki was always exciting and fun. There was always something to do and we were always on the go trying to get our fill over the three years we were there. Most of all, We were never lacking in friends to share our experiences with. Our military friends became close family members that filled in for our family back on the mainland. We, in turn, enjoyed doing our best to fill in for the family members they left behind when moving to the island. We also gained an amazing family through Grace Bible Church, that will forever hold a place in our hearts and will always be family to us. Leaving years of memories in the past and leaving the family we acquire, is never ever easy. In fact, goodbyes are on my top 5 list of things I dread most about military life. So far, I would have to consider this last move as the hardest. We met many local families that became our family, and chances are we won't have the opportunity to see many of them again. God knows what he is doing though. He brought these amazing people into our lives for the season that we needed them and he continues to give us outlets to keep in touch with them.

With that said, my biggest concern about every move is finding a church to call home. Our first pcs move to Texas proved challenging in this area. To make a long story short, the first church we attended just did not feel like family. Our kids weren't excited to get up on Sunday mornings and quite frankly, neither was I. However, we would get up, get ready, and head off to church almost every Sunday. The messages were great, the kids had an okay time in their classes, but something was obviously missing. God decided to step in and through a post card in our mailbox, he led us to Christian Life Church. From the moment we were greeted at the door, we knew it was our new church home. The people there quickly became our family. For the next year and a half we all loved getting up every Sunday morning to hear God's word and to fellowship with family. We also looked forward to special events and weekly bible study.

Then the orders came down. Our time in Texas was coming to an end. We had to say goodbye once again. It was time to pcs to Hawaii. As exciting as it was and as ready for a new adventure as we were, it meant leaving that chapter of our lives to start a new one. Just a year and a half before, God led us to the perfect church for us. Now we would have to start over and find a new place where we could hear God's word and worship him on Sunday mornings. You can believe I did a lot of praying. I prayed that God would lead us to the perfect place. A place we would feel welcome. A place that focused everything on God. A place we would feel like part of the family.

It was in our favor, that we met an amazing Hawaiian family at CLC. The best part was that they happened to be pcsing back to Hawaii just weeks after us. They told us about a church in Hawaii that was much like CLC, just on a bigger scale. I later discovered it was a much bigger scale. Once they arrived on the island they invited us to join them at Grace Bible Church. God is so good. He heard my prayers, he listened to my concerns, and he didn't waste any time in taking us to the perfect church. GBC instantly became our family. For three years we were excited to get up on Sunday mornings to hear Pastor Norman teach the word and the kids loved attending Kid's church. We joined weekly small groups, we attended special events, I taught Kid's Church and we all volunteered in different areas.

Then the orders came down. It was time, once again, to pack up our things. In a way, Hawaii seemed more like home than any other place we had lived. I feel a big part of that was due to our church family. I can safely say that my relationship with Christ grew more in that three years than I could have ever imagined. I saw changes in my kids and husband as well. Without that experience we certainly would not be where we are today. So, again I started to pray that we would quickly find a new church home. I prayed that we would find friends as amazing as the ones we were leaving behind. As I prayed it dawned on me to look on the internet in search of possible churches in the Colorado Springs area.

Honestly, I didn't have to search for long. The first church that caught my eye was Cornerstone Christian Fellowship. I read every single word on their website from start to finish. Everything lined up with our beliefs, they had things for our children, and it just seemed perfect. I showed it to my husband and we decided we would start there.

After dropping our kids off with grandparents, my husband and I made the drive to Colorado. Our main goal was to find a house, but while we were there we decided to visit Cornerstone. Before we left our hotel room I checked online to get the address. Where it once had the location of a school, was now the address of the pastor's house. I was a little confused. I'll admit I was also a little nervous. We decided to go ahead with our plan and set off to find our destination. On the way there I mentioned to my husband that I felt a little awkward going to someone's house for church. If you know my husband you know he doesn't get worried about things like that. He's more relaxed than I am. He just smiled and said it would be okay. He was right.

From the minute we walked in the door and saw all those smiling faces, I felt a connection to the people inside. Any and all concerns I had on the drive there were gone. God had once again answered my prayers, even quicker this time.

Two months later we closed on our house, moved in, and started the Colorado chapter of our lives. Cornerstone is a big part of this chapter. God knew exactly where he wanted us and didn't waste any time in placing us there. Everything about Cornerstone is amazing. We are blessed every Sunday morning with the messages, time of worship, and fellowship with our new family. Our kids love going to youth activities and have established some amazing friendships. The friendships we have formed and the messages we hear carry us through the weeks. They aren't something you leave at the door as you exit service. It's so much more than that. In the few short months we have been here, I have already seen each of us grow in our relationships with God. I really look forward to what the future holds for us at Cornerstone, as individuals, as a family, and as a church family.

I find it amazing how much God loves us. He heard each of my desperate prayers to quickly find a new church home and he answered. He heard every desperate plea I made in hopes of being connected with good Christian families, and he answered. Through every pcs move, through every goodbye, through every ending, through every beginning, and all those times in between, he has not and never will leave us. Not even for a second. His love and dedication to us is something that no one could even begin to describe. He is God! He is Lord of Lords! He is King of Kings! He is perfect in every way! We are merely imperfect human beings making wrong decisions daily. And yet he, our perfect Lord and Savior, chooses to walk alongside us at every turn. What an amazing God we serve!

My Perspective

Between raising a family, pcsing, and taking college classes, I don't have a lot of free time to post on my blog site anymore. When I think about writing something, I get side tracked and it just doesn't get done. However, today when I was eating lunch and taking a break from my classwork, I logged onto facebook and came across this article, http://www.breitbart.com/Big-Peace/2013/05/01/Breaking-Pentagon-Confirms-Will-Court-Martial-Soldiers-Who-Share-Christian-Faith. While it should have got me fuming and ready to fight back, it actually made me laugh. At the same time it made me sad for poor Mr. Weinstein and his fellow anti-Christian extremists.

Before you read any further, if you are anti-Christian and you feel offended when someone shares their beliefs, or in my opinion facts, about God, then please just click the little x at the top of your browser and close this page now. Okay:

(From our earlier report: Weinstein is the head of the Military Religious Freedom Foundation, and says Christians--including chaplains--sharing the gospel of Jesus Christ in the military are guilty of “treason,” and of committing an act of “spiritual rape” as serious a crime as “sexual assault.” He also asserted that Christians sharing their faith in the military are “enemies of the Constitution.”)

 

This is the paragraph that I found myself laughing at. The laughs just came out of nowhere. To me, everything about this statement is completely ludicrous and senseless. For starters, I'm not sure how Christians sharing their faith means they are against the Constitution. From my understanding, this country was founded on Christian beliefs from the very beginning. On the contrary, taking away the rights of someone to speak about God is what goes against the constitution. You  just keep telling yourself that you know what you're talking about Mr. Weinstein. (I'm going to take a minute to pray for you before I continue.)

 

(I'm not going to go do all the research to back up my statements, as I should really be studying right now and not blogging to begin with, so feel free to do your own research and correct me if you'd like.)

 

When I came to the statement, "spiritual rape", I couldn't stop myself from chuckling. What does that even mean? When I hear the word rape I think of someone doing physical and emotional harm to another human being. I can assure you that speaking God's truth does neither of these things. In fact it does quite the opposite. The fact of the matter is GOD DOES EXIST! He does not exist to cause harm on anyone. He exists to help those that will allow him to enter their lives. Not only that, but to save those who accept him from the eternal doom of hell. Sorry if you didn't want to hear that, but it's the truth, plain and simple. So, sharing our faith about our loving God is as serious a crime as sexual assault? If you say so Mr. Weinstein. (as I shake my head in disbelief) 

 

Poor misguided Mr. Weinstein, what would you suggest a chaplain do? It is a chaplains job to share their faith in Jesus Christ. That is what they joined the military to do. I know chaplains and I know from first hand knowledge that they can make a huge difference in the moral of soldiers. They have helped soldiers through deployments, they have led soldiers away from committing suicide, they have helped mend relationships, they have helped with parenting advice... really this list is endless. Would you like to know how they have helped all these soldiers Mr. Weinstein? Let me tell you. They have allowed Christ to work through them. They have used scripture from the Word of God. They have shared Christ's unconditional love, peace, joy, and forgiveness. These Chaplains, Mr. Weinstein, are the ones that have allowed God to use them to save lives, save marriages, save relationships and help build moral. That's HUGE! I personally can't imagine the military without them. This world took God out of our schools and look what happened. Imagine if you were to take God out of the military. I don't even want to think what would happen to our men and women that serve to protect our country. Oh wait, it wouldn't really be a free country anymore, would it? They'd have one less freedom to defend. The very people that are going off to war would be losing the very rights they are fighting, and sometimes dying, to defend. Hmm... I can see how that makes sense. (shaking my head in disbelief once again).

 

I can personally say that there are Chaplains and their wives that have helped me, as an Army spouse, to push through the hard times. They have made me a better person today because they have guided me to make wise Christian decisions and to put my faith and trust in God when times were rough. I can honestly say that it is God, and God alone, that brought my family through 3 deployments, months of separation due to training, three pcs moves, and all the stresses that come with this life. I have watched friends that don't believe in God struggle daily to survive this military life. I've seen their trials result in unfaithfulness, divorce, distress, depression, severe and constant worry, among other unpleasant things. They just don't seem to know where to turn or how to deal with what they face. The results are devastating. I've seen believers facing the same trials that these non believers face, but there's one difference. GOD! As Christians, we do go through trials, we get sad, we get lonely, we worry about our spouses while they're away, we grieve when fellow soldiers are lost or wounded... we have these feelings like everyone. The difference is that we give it all to God. We allow God to carry us through the difficult days. We lean on each other and we talk about God! AH. Did I just say we talk about God? Oh no! Shame on us for discussing the one thing that gives us hope and strength to carry on. (you got it, disbelief head shaking)

 

Okay, so I admit, the article doesn't point out that spouses can't talk about God. It pinpoints military members. About that... If it weren't for the Bible my husband carries in his pocket that he can pull out to read for comfort, if it weren't for the opportunity to attend church services while deployed, if it weren't for the discussions my husband has had with our amazing chaplains (that entailed talking about God by the way), I'm honestly not sure where he, or our entire family, would be today. When our brothers and sisters ask us how our family keeps growing stronger through everything we face as a military family, we are not ashamed to let them know that it's only because of God. When they ask us the secret to staying together for 15+ years, we will not hesitate to say that it's all God. I don't care if we're in our home, at a military fun day, or at his company, the answer, whether you like it or not Mr. Weinstein, is always God!

 

With all that said, you go right on ahead and voice your beliefs that God doesn't exist Mr.Weinstein. You go right on ahead and lobby that you feel the very freedoms our men and women in uniform are defending don't apply to them. As much as it hurts us as Christians that anyone would denounce the existence of the very God that gave us life and salvation, it is your right to speak your belief. The fact of the matter is, God has given us all the gift of free will in hopes that we will choose to follow him. Just remember that whether you believe or not, God does still love you and he won't give up on you. Until your very dying day, God will seek your love. (Luke 19:10) After all he loves you so much that he sent his very son, Jesus Christ, to suffer on the cross for everyone, including you. Also, keep in mind, Mr. Weinstein, that whatever the outcome of your push for change, God is still in control.  If speaking about God causes a person to lose their job or worse, God will pick that person right back up and give them something bigger and better than what they lost. (Romans 8:28) Ironic how that works, isn't it Mr. Weinstein?

 

Regardless of your efforts Mr. Weinstein, military policy or not, you will not be able to keep believers from sharing the truth about our one and only living God!

 



Pastor Jim Furnas

Today I became aware that a great man who had an enormous impact on my husband and I, starting over 15 years ago, has passed away. As it is a time to be sad for everyone he has left behind, it is also a day to rejoice that Pastor Jim Furnas, a true man of God, has received his well deserved opportunity to walk through the gates of heaven and meet Jesus face to face. He is receiving his heavenly rewards for the huge impact he has made in this world, all in the name of Jesus Christ.

It all started over 15 years ago. My husband and I had been engaged for several months and I was pregnant with our first child. I was at a point where I was about to give up hope on finding a pastor to marry us in a church. Because I was pregnant and not married, we had been told by pastors that they couldn't marry us and that we couldn't even use their church. It was very discouraging because the Bible I was raised by talks of love and acceptance. I didn't feel loved by these pastors and I certainly didn't feel accepted. This all happened to us for a reason. God was just guiding us to a specific place where he had amazing people just waiting to take us in. We were referred to the Nazarene Church where we met Pastor Jim Furnas. Right up front, we made him aware of the fact that I was pregnant. I remember his reaction to be surprising because of what we had been told by others. It didn't catch him off guard in the least. It wasn't even an issue to him. In fact, he didn't even react to the news at all, aside from congratulating us. That was a first.

As is customary, we were required to attend church and to meet with Jim during the weeks leading up to our wedding. Our meetings were filled with information about marriage according to God's word, wisdom from Jim's personal experiences, encouragement for us to make the right decisions and hold true to our vows and stick through the hard times, and even just some friendly conversations between us as friends. This man really made me feel accepted and loved, despite the fact that I had gone against God's word and become pregnant before marriage. He assured us that God's love for us never fails, no matter what decisions we make in life. We are all human and born sinners. That's the beauty of Christ's gift of eternal salvation. He took the punishment for us so that when our human nature takes over and we make unwise decisions, we are forgiven and he will ultimately use our mistakes and turn them into good, as long as we love him and walk with him. Romans 8:28 "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."

On July 26, 1997, Pastor Jim Furnas proudly stood before us and pronounced us husband and wife. God made our dream of being married in a church, by a pastor, come to reality with the help of Pastor Jim. We continued to attend Church of the Nazarene after our wedding. The church as a whole really took us in and made us a part of their family. After our son was born, they threw us a baby shower to welcome him into the world and into their family. Not only did Jim officiate our wedding, but he also performed our sons dedication ceremony in front of the entire congregation on a Sunday morning. Who better to help us dedicate our son to the Lord than the first pastor to accept us conceiving him out of wedlock.

My husband later got a job out of town and we moved our family about an hour away. We found a church to attend in our new town.We did occasionally visit our family at the Nazarene Church when we were in town visiting family. Pastor Jim was later called to serve at a church further away and we ended up losing touch with his family.

The news of his passing really caught me off guard. I'm deeply saddened for his beautiful wife, their children, and all of those whose lives he has touched. At the same time, I rejoice for Pastor Jim, for he has received the highest honor of meeting Jesus, face to face. I'm certain his rewards in heaven are many, and I'm certain he was greeted at the heavenly gates by a multitude of people that had the honor of knowing him during their time on earth.

Lesson Learned

WOW! This whole blog site is completely different since I last posted. This may take some getting use to. It seems as if once I figure a format out on any website, the creators go and change it all around on me.

This morning as I was getting ready for my husband to pick me up for org. day, I did a lot of thinking. I'm not sure where it all came from, but I'm pretty sure God has his hand in it.

Lately a lot has been going on within my husband's unit and with my husband personally. He hasn't been home much due to them tasking him out with everything under the sun. Add that to the fact that he's the only one licensed to do ammo, and he has a soldier that he is constantly having to babysit for. I guess they just figure that they know he will get the job done effectively without having to explain anything to him, so they throw everything his way. There's a lot more to the story, but I won't go into that. With all this going on, I have become bitter with this unit for keeping him at work longer than necessary, and longer than most everyone else for that matter. I've also become irritated at the soldiers that keep screwing up and forcing my husband to be gone even longer so he can babysit for them.

This morning it hit me. If my husband is having such a bad experience with this unit lately, what's to make me think that they aren't all having a hard time. It's very possible that the circumstances surrounding these soldiers are just making them feel like giving up. My husband has the benefit of having a wife and kids to come home to at night. He has a wife that's always available when he needs to talk. Some of these soldiers don't have any family around at all. Of course they have their army family, but sometimes that's just not enough. It's not the same as having a life long companion that you can always count on, or like having a family member that you've spent a better part of your life with. Plus, I've noticed that it's really hard for some soldiers to separate their army life and their personal life. After all, they live army on a daily basis.

Once again, I've been reminded that we go through things to better us as individuals. These last few months haven't been the easiest, but I have learned a lesson. I'm not going to spend my time being angry and frustrated that things are so messed up with this unit. Instead, I'm going to pray for those who are making it unbearable at times. I'm going to pray for those soldiers that seem to be having personal issues that are leading them to behaviors that take my husband away from home. At the end of the day, he is coming home to his family, however late that may be.

Welcome Home!

I really did have good intentions when I first started this blog. In my mind, I was committed to keeping up with my posts regularly. It worked out well for a while. Unfortunately, life sometimes has other plans. I got so busy keeping up with everything that I let my blog fall by the wayside. I have several postings that I started, but got interrupted and never finished them. There were also times when I would sit down to write and was too tired. I couldn't think of anything to say. That's a strange one for me, by the way. I always have something to say.

Here I am today, with a little time on my hands. I finally have a day with no plans, no agenda, no expectations. It's just me with some unexpected free time. I should probably go knock on some wood after saying that. I never know what could pop up out of the blue. With that said, my husband popping in early from work would be great!

I honestly can't even remember everything that's happened since my last post. These past few months have been full of my kid's school, theater rehearsals, hula practices, everyday life, among other things. This past month I started taking online classes to work towards my associates degree as an educational paraprofessional. That just added more to my schedule, but I'm glad I finally got the courage to take classes. It's been 15 years since I've been in a classroom, though this time it's a virtual classroom. I was told by many people that online courses are harder than going to a university and sitting through class. That may be the case in their situation, but not mine. I actually love online classes. I have the flexibility to do my work when I have the time and motivation. The only time constraints are the seminars. There's only one a week per class and they only last an hour. If something does happen to come up and I can't be there, there's a second option to make up for it. I rather enjoy the experience and for me, the work is not hard. As long as I'm focused while I'm working, it just seems to come. When I get frustrated I just log off and find something else to do until I can concentrate again. Not to mention I can attend in my pj's if I want to.

The most important thing that has happened since my last post is... My husband is finally home! Just one week ago, I was sitting at the gulch (that's where we meet them) for an hour, impatient as I'll get out, ready to wrap my arms around my soldier. That was probably the longest hour of my entire life. It was also the best day of the last 366 days prior. I don't even have the words to describe how amazing it felt when he was released from formation. As soon as they were dismissed, maybe a couple seconds before, I took off running straight into his arms. That moment was completely worth the 12 month wait.

I have learned from past experience to put aside any and all expectations of post deployments. A person would think that life after a deployment would be all roses and sunshine. That's what I thought the first time around. I expected everything to go back to normal, like it was before he left. Maybe I even thought every day life would be better. For the first week or so, it was close to my expectations. We were just so happy to be back together. However, life seems to have a way of moving forward, regardless of circumstances. After that first week, I started seeing changes in both my husband and myself. We had both moved forward during that 9 months, but not together. He faced things while he was away that had changed him. Things, that in my opinion, no one should have to go through. At the same time he was changing, the kids and I were too. Kids grow up quickly and in 9 months a lot can change in their lives. As a parent we grow up with them in a sense. We adapt to their changes, thus changing us too. Trying to mesh all those changes together is no easy feat. Add to that our all to soon vacation. Before we had time to get reacquainted we hit the road to visit family for a few weeks. Though we were happy to see everyone, it was very hectic. Very bad timing on our part. Being so busy trying to keep up with everyone and visit so many people made for very little time for us to reconnect. Everyone wanted their chance to see my husband, which I completely understood and respected, but that left us with little time to reconnect. Towards the end of our visit we left our kids with family and took a trip, just the two of us. We really needed that time alone together. In time, we did overcome it all to get our family into a routine that worked for all of us. I learned from that experience that it's so much easier to stay home for a little while before taking on too much. We need to spend time getting to know each other and getting into a routine before anything else.



Deployments are never fun. I won't hesitate to blurt out that DEPLOYMENTS SUCK! However, God has a plan and a purpose for my family, as he does every family. His plan for us just so happens to include our Army life and everything that comes along with it. I have to say that I would not give back any of our experiences, even the deployments, for anything. If it weren't for the Army we wouldn't have met so many amazing people. We never would have dreamed of living in Hawaii. My husband and I wouldn't be as close as we are today. Our kids wouldn't be able to experience so much in their young lives. Most of all, we wouldn't be this close to God because we would have been way off his plan for our lives.

Now that he's home for a while, hopefully a long while, we can get on with our family life. We can move on to the next chapter that God has written for us.

The Past 4 Months Part 2

I'll need to backtrack briefly just a few days, which is good in my eyes because that would mean my husband was still home. Nov. 29th we made yet another trip to the airport. I've been to the airport more times in the past 2 years than I've been to any airport in my entire life before moving here. That's actually a good thing. I love having family and friends comes to visit. It's just the return trip to drop them back off that's no fun. I'm no good with goodbyes. You'd think a person would get use to it at some point, but it never fails to make me cry. Anyhow, we went to the airport to pick up my parents. They came to stay with us for 6 weeks. Those were probably the busiest 6 weeks of the year. Again, a good thing! The faster time flies by, the sooner it seems my husband will be home. He was here for a few days while my parents were here, but all too soon we were headed back down the highway to the airport. This time for the not so great reason. Actually, the worst reason ever!

Looking back, the time my parents were here was more like a staycation for me than a vacation for them. They helped out around the house with everything, and I do mean everything. They helped with laundry, dishes, cooking, mowing the yard, and taking care of the kids just to name a few things. It was so nice to have the help and get a little break from everything. Don't get me wrong, I still did some of it too, but not near as much as I have to do on a daily basis when it's just me and the kids. It was great waking up to my dad already having the coffee ready too. I won't lie, I probably took advantage of it a little bit. They know how thankful I am for everything they do for us though. God certainly blessed me with the greatest parents.

I'm not really even sure where to start with everything we did while they were here. I won't bore you with all the details, just the highlights for us. My mom had been walking at home in order to prepare for hiking. Her goal was to make it to the top of Diamond Head. With that goal accomplished, we also hiked to Kaena Point to see the sea lions and to the top of Pu'ukea. I think that's the name of it. My mind is drawing a blank right now. We got plenty of exercise while they were here. I can't remember but maybe 4 days total where we didn't go anywhere. Pretty much every day we found something to do. The kids each took a turn going to breakfast with Grandpa. I took my mom to lunch one day and my dad to dinner on another day. We drove around looking at Christmas lights. We went to Honolulu Hale to see the lights and to get our pictures taken with Santa. We took the tour of lights at Pearl Harbor. We went to Waikiki a few times. Of course we ate out several times and we did not have a shortage of ice cream going into our bodies.

I forgot to mention that while Trint was still home and my parents were here, Shay and Syd had performances we got to enjoy. Shay had a Hula performance and Syd was in a theater and chorus performance. They both did great and were fun to watch. Daddy actually got to participate in the theater performance too. He played a soldier along with three other dads. All they did was walk up on the stage in uniform and stand there, but Syd was so excited to have daddy there. At the end of Shay's Hula, they had the parents come up and do the Cupid Shuffle hula style with our kids. That was interesting. I'm not one to get up in front of people, but I did it. I grabbed my husband's arm and dragged him up there with us too. I was not going alone!  The day after daddy left we got to watch Tristan perform with his school band in a Christmas band concert. He's the one standing in the back with drum sticks. It was several schools combined and made for a long evening, but they all did a wonderful job and afterwards we enjoyed some ice cream!

January came all too fast, and it was time, once again, to head back to the airport for yet another goodbye. Okay so maybe for the reason of my husband coming home soon, it was not too fast, but for the reason of my parents leaving, it was too fast. It's kind of a catch 22. So now that Christmas break is over and the new year has begun, things are getting back into somewhat of a routine. The kids are back in school and the girls are back in their Skies classes preparing for their next performances this spring. Now we're just waiting for daddy to come home. It won't be much longer now.

The Past Four Months, Part 1

When I started this blog around the time my husband deployed, I did it thinking that it was a good way for him to keep up with our daily lives back home. It was also an outlet for me to write down my thoughts and share a little bit of what life as an Army family is like. I had decided up front that I wouldn't stick to any particular theme, but simply write down what was going through my mind and what I felt like sharing in the moment. I kept it up for several months, but at some point, for some unknown reason, I just quit. I don't know if I was just too busy, or tired, or just didn't know what to write. Maybe a little bit of all of it. Whatever the case, I'm back now, for the time being anyhow.

So much has happened since my last post. Seeing as that was close to 4 months ago it's no wonder. Honestly with this memory of mine, or lack there of, I can't even remember everything that has happened. I'll briefly share some of the highlights. Okay who am I kidding? Brief? I guess we'll see...

In October I had signed up with a friend to run in the "Strides Against Breast Cancer" 5k. Unfortunately my friend's child ended up getting sick so she wasn't able to go. I'm not one to go to big events alone. For some reason or other I feel out of place when I'm alone in a crowd. This time though, I decided to suck it up, say a prayer for strength, and conquer my fear. As always I arrived there early. I hate being late so I almost always end up early. Not always a good thing. It was a little rainy and pretty wet out so I just stood around waiting. Luckily during a deployment I never go anywhere without my phone in case my husband has a chance to call. That gave me something to do while I waited. Before the race started I heard someone call my name. I just figured that someone else was there with the same name and I didn't turn around. I heard it again so I looked up and to my surprise they were calling to me. Two of my "sisters" from here on the island were running in the 5k too. I was so happy to have someone to run with. Not only did God give me the strength to conquer my fear of going alone, but he went the extra mile and gave me someone to run with, two someones in fact. It's a miracle in itself that we even crossed paths with all the people in attendance. Together we ran/walked the 5k and had a great time together.

Halloween also happened during my blog absence. I'm not one to dress up for Halloween, though occasionally I do. This year I hadn't planned to. My kids were begging me to find something out of the usual to wear so after a little thought and a look in my closet, I decided I had everything I needed to be a biker babe. I knew my husband would appreciate that since he loves Harley's and we were planning on getting him one after his deployment. I called my friend that we were planning on trick or treating with and got her on board too. The only thing we were missing were bandanas so she stopped and got us each one before coming over. We got our kids, with the exception of Tristan who was already out with his freinds, and ourselves ready, took pictures, and headed over to her house to start knocking on doors. Part way through our evening Trint called on skype so he got to walk with us for a little while too. I love it when he gets to join us, even if he is only on the phone and thousands of miles away. He gets to make memories with us even from a great distance.

The number one event that has happened in the past 4 months... My husband came home for r&r! That had to be the best two weeks of the entire year. After about 8 months he was back under our roof, sleeping in our bed, eatting at our table, sitting on our furniture, having fun with our family! We were living a complete daily life once again.
                                         
 During his first few days home we decided to go look at the South Seas in anticipation of getting him a Harley once he was home for good. However, it did not work out the way we had expected at all. Once we got there he saw the perfect bike, a Fat Boy, the exact bike he was wanting. And... it was blue, his favorite color and the exact color I wanted to get him. Just out of curiousity we asked about the price and if they happen to match the prices that our soldiers can get while deployed. Our answer wasn't what we expected. The salesman said yes. My husband gave him the numbers that he was quoted overseas and the salesman took those numbers to the finance guy. We honestly thought it was too good to be true and that we'd be walking out of there with a plan in mind for when this deployment was finally over with. Not so. The numbers were approved and within 20 minutes we were the proud owners of the perfect Harley. I am so happy that my husband finally got his Harley after all these years of waiting. We spent much of the rest of his R&R on his bike, while the kids were in school of course.

When the kids weren't in school we just spent time together as a family, doing what families do. We got to spend Thanksgiving together, went to Wet-n-Wild for Tristan's belated birthday surprise, went to Waikiki, played games, watched movies, and so much more. My parents flew in towards the end of R&R so my hubby and I had the opportunity to go to Waikiki for a night while the kids stayed home and spent some time with Grandma and Grandpa. A wonderful friend of mine had a voucher for a free night in a hotel and she blessed my hubby and I by passing it along to us. We sure have made some amazing friends here on the island.
Unfortunately our two weeks had to come to an end. The kids decided it was much easier to say goodbye to daddy here at home and stay with Grandma and Grandpa while I took him to the airport. Let me just say that I'm really glad they made that decision. I highly doubt I could have been strong for them. I know I wasn't strong for myself or my husband. It was the most awful terrible goodbye ever. It's always hard to watch him walk away, but this time was the worst. After he walked through the tunnel and was out of sight I went outside and watched the plane. I just stood there until it was completely out of sight, crying the whole time. I later found out that he was in the plane, on the side facing where I was, watching me too. I tried my best to gather my thoughts and walked back to my truck. I convinced myself that I had cried enough and I drove home in a daze, just wishing I could turn back time. That or push time forward and jump back out of my truck and welcome him home for good. I prayed the whole way home that God would just keep him safe for the next few months and bring him back home to us once again. To be continued....

My Blessing

I am frequently reminded of how blessed I am to be married to such an amazing man. Today is no different.

I met my future husband in November of 1996. Two weeks later we were at the mall looking at engagement rings and wedding sets. A week after that he proposed to me. Yes, it was fast, but it was just one of those things that when you know, you just know. It wasn't one of those fancy planned out proposals that you see on the season finale of your favorite drama, but for us it was perfect. He got down on one knee in my bedroom and simply asked me to marry him. After he asked my parents permission of course. I don't have to tell you my answer. That's a no brainer. Eight months later I was standing at the back of a church looking down the isle past all of our family and friends. There he stood. The man I was about to say "I do" to. The man I would begin the rest of my life with on that hot day in July.

Our lives together haven't always been roses and cotton candy, but never the less, we've always been together. The words we recited that day in front of God, our family and our friends are proof of that. The rings we wear around our fingers are reminders of the promises we made to each other that day. Promises to love, honor and cherish each other. Promises to be faithful, honest and true to each other.

We've had our fair share of downs to go with the ups over the years, but we never let anything come between us. We've always come through every struggle stronger than ever. Today, I can honestly say that I'm thankful for the struggles we've had. I believe that's what has gotten us to the point we're at now. Because of the way we've overcome everything and never given up, we've successfully come to the point where our relationship is stronger than ever. People often say that over the years a relationship will change and it won't be the same as when you first fell in love. The honeymoon stages of life soon disappear and it becomes a routine that you walk through together daily. I have to say I totally disagree with this. It will be that way only if you let it. Maybe it's because we had a rough start that today we are more in love than ever. Maybe it's because of those times we walked several feet apart from each other that today we walk hand in hand whenever we're together. Maybe it's because we have never gone a day without saying "I love you" that today the words don't even have to be spoken for it to be understood. Maybe it's all of our past arguments that have brought us to a better understanding of each other. Whatever the case may be, we met 15 years ago and we look forward to the days when we are old and gray sitting on the front porch holding hands as we watch the cars drive by.

To Trinity: I just want to say thank you for never giving up on us. Thank you for always loving me. Thank you for always believing in us. Thank you for standing by my side. Thank you for being that man that goes on a pickle run just minutes before our wedding. Thank you for being that man that will run to the store at a moments notice any time of day or night. Thank you for letting me be me and Thank you for being you. You are the most amazing person I have ever met and I'm so happy that you chose me to spend your life with. Because of you, I am the person I am today. Because of you I am the mommy of three beautiful kids. Because of you I look forward to tomorrow. Because of you I get to feel loved every day of my life and in turn I get to love you with all of my heart. I thank God for bringing us together and keeping us strong for each other. I love you so much baby! Now and Always and ForVever! I can't wait to have this deployment behind us so we can continue on our journey together, hand in hand!










 

Not Always Roses and Cotton Candy

Yesterday was not such a great day. We all have those days where we just want to get back into bed and wait for a fresh start in the morning, even if that means sleeping through the entire day to reach the next one. Well, yesterday was that day for me. Fortunately, throughout this deployment, I really haven't had too many of those days, so I do have to say I'm very thankful for that. I'm also thankful that the good Lord got me through it and that He allowed me to wake up to a fresh start this morning.

I won't go into detail about yesterday, why revisit it, but I will say this... my kids were driving me crazy, our plans for the day were cancelled due to their behavior (side note: I even got up early to attend the early church service to accommodate our plans) and I just needed a hug from my husband. His hugs can work miracles to make my day better and yesterday a hug would have been perfect. I do have to say this, God works in mysterious ways and he uses these trying days to pull us closer to Him. I wouldn't trade the rough days for just that reason.

It really amazes me how God can work in people without us even knowing it. If I didn't know any better I would think my husband could read my mind at times even from thousands of miles away. Just when I'm at that point where I feel I need to hear his voice or even just get a short message from him to know that he's okay, it happens. Coincidence? I think not! As Dawn O'Brien says on the radio quite frequently,"There's no such thing as coincidence, it's all God-incidence". I love that saying! Thanks Dawn!

Yesterday was one of those days where I needed to hear from him. Not just because it was a bad day in general but because I was aware from various sources that something had happened while they were on mission, but I didn't know what that something was. Towards the end of the day Trint was able to message me though skype. He didn't have a cam or even a mic but at least I heard from him. He didn't have long to talk, but he said he had a headache that he couldn't get rid of and he'd tell me more later. Of course there were the usual I love yous and I miss yous too. I was a little more at ease just knowing he was okay. However, that led me to wondering why he had a headache and wishing I was there to take care of him. I fell asleep last night just praying for his headache to go away and that not just my husband would be okay, but their convoy as a whole. It turns out there were injuries, but as far as I know, everyone is going to be fine.

As hard as it is to hear that people have been injured or even worse, I have to say that I'm so blessed to have a husband that keeps me informed. It is so much easier for me to know straight from him what's going on. Plus, I feel better knowing specifically what to pray for. I'm sure everyone feels differently about this and some spouses probably don't want to know at all, but for me, I'd rather him tell me than to hear from someone else and not have all the accurate information. For me personally, not knowing and hearing several different rumors about the same thing is much worse than knowing what my husband is going through. I'm just glad he feels comfortable coming to me and I love that I can listen to him and be here for him.

At the same time, I'm so glad I can feel comfortable venting my frustrations to him and knowing that he's also here for me. I've seen it written in so many military writings that it's best to keep the bad things here so your soldier can keep his mind on his mission. In some cases I'm sure that's true. For us, my husband wants to hear what we're going through, the good and the bad. Of course I always try to emphasize the good, but if one of our kids is having a hard time at school, or if one of us is going through something, he should know. It's a fact that life isn't all roses and cotton candy so I'm not going to pretend that it is when I'm talking to my husband. He always picks it up in my voice when something is a little off anyhow, so it's better that he know what it is than to have to wonder. I'm confident that when my husband is on the computer he can spend that time to focus on us as a family and when he signs off, he can focus all of his attention to the job in front of him, or his sleep as it may be. HeHe! Just thought I'd throw that in there.

I'll end by saying this: In the good times and the bad, God has never failed to be right next to me. He's there when things are going great and He really shows up in big ways when things are not going so well. All it takes is a little faith to find His strength and peace that can get you through anything.

Birthday Year

I spent the day over at a friend's house yesterday. She was reading her friends blog to me and it gave me an idea. Her friend made a list of things she wanted to accomplish before her next birthday. I love the idea and have decided to get on board. I still have a couple months until my birthday, but I have decided to start getting my list together now. So what if it's not exactly a year and I give myself a couple extra months. I may need those extra months since my husband will not be present and accounted for during the first half of my birthday year. I haven't decided on a set number of things, nor have I decided exactly what will be added to my list, though I do have some ideas. I may even add to my list as the year goes on, who knows. We are an Army family after all, and as all my Army friends know, nothing in this life is ever set in stone. As of now we will still be on the island by my next birthday, but that could change in an instant which would change some of my goals. It could possibly change a majority of my list, but in this life, everything is subject to change. It's just a fact that we learn to live with. In the end, as frustrating as some of the last minute changes can be, it does make for an exciting life!

I haven't decided yet as to whether I will add a tab to my blog or just add another blog to track my progress. Either way I will keep it posted so everyone can hold me accountable. I find that staying on track is so much easier when you have others to hold you accountable. It's also a lot more enjoyable when you have friends along for the ride. You can bet there will be times when I call on a friend to join me in accomplishing a task on my list. I can only imagine the fun times that lie ahead in my next year. If all goes well, I will make this a tradition and every year make a new list. Maybe I will even get my husband and my kids on board. It would be great to sit down together and make up our lists and help each other in accomplishing new things. Who knows, maybe one of you reading this right now will also decide to join in on the fun. If you do, let me know. I would love to follow your progress and help you in accomplishing your goals.

Tristan's Thoughts

I was doing some cleaning today and found a book my son wrote last year. His english class had the opportunity to write a book about themselves. The school sent their work in to have them bound in a hardback cover. It was a great project that will preserve memories for years to come. I just want to share a couple of his pages with you. A little side note: I find it ironic that their books were published in the same town that my kids were all born in. Anyhow, he titled his book "Army In Paradise".

The Military
I think the military is a good thing and a bad thing. There are many different things about the military that I like and don't like. I'll start with what I don't like.

I don't like my dad leaving every other year and him being gone for a long time. When he leaves he goes to Iraq and that's not a very safe place. My dad is also always at work and sometimes he has to work twenty four hours straight. When he does that he stays at his company's barracks and comes home the next day and sleeps all day.

I like that the military keeps our country safe. They give my dad a paycheck so we can get food. They gave us a house. I also get to move a lot so I get to see new places. Such as me living in Hawaii.

The military is kind of cool. I like moving around to different places but I don't like that I have to leave all my friends. I think living in Hawaii is awesome though so I'm not complaining.

The worst thing about the military is deployment. When my dad has to leave for a year I don't like it. But when he comes back everybody is happy again. He used to go and not be able to come home on R&R but now he does. When everyone asks me if I want to be in the military when I get older I say no. I don't want to be in the military.

My grandpa is in the military too. He's in the Air Force. He's been in the military for a long time. He doesn't fly planes but it's still cool.


Hawaii
I think Hawaii is awesome. I love to go to the beach and I get to skateboard all the time. North Shore is fun because they have big waves in the winter and Haleiwa is a fun place. The best shave ice is there at Matsumoto's. I always get cherry, apple, and raspberry with snow cap. Snow cap is condensed milk.

I've been to a lot of places on Oahu so I'll tell you a little bit about them. The Pali lookout is awesome. It's on a cliff and there's a very long drop if you look over the edge. It's also very windy. So windy that it took my hat off and blew it all the way back to the parking lot.

Then there's the Punchbowl Cemetery. It's a giant cemetery for people in the military who died. There is a giant building with a statue of a woman on it. There is also a memorial that has the names of all the people who died on it.

Pearl Harbor was a cool place to me. The Arizona Memorial was really cool. You could see the Arizona under you and there were cool fish swimming around in it. There was still oil leaking out of the ship. It is still leaking after being sunk in 1941. It's got a wall in the back with all the names of the people who were on the ship when it sunk. There are almost two thousand names.

In Waikiki there are a lot of things to do. I went there and walked around. There are a lot of shops and malls. Waikiki is my favorite beach too. I go there a lot with my mom and dad's friends. My second favorite thing to do is going to Waikiki at night. There are always people on the streets doing different stuff. There are always mimes and people who draw your face. But sometimes there are more things like beat boxer's or magicians.

I Miss The Little Things

Everyday I think of something new that I miss about my husband. Many of them are just small things, but together they all add up to be something huge. Even though it can make me sad to think about my husband being away, on a much larger scale it also reminds me of how blessed I am to be able to spend my life with him. I can better appreciate those little things instead of taking advantage of them. I can also better appreciate those little quirks he has that can drive me crazy. I'd much rather live with those irritating quirks on a daily basis than to be away from him for any length of time. Today I just want to share some of those little things I miss that I can't wait to have back in my life at the end of this deployment.

*The way his blue eyes sparkle when he looks into mine. I know it sounds crazy, but they really do. He's so sweet and he looks into the web cam so I can see them, but it doesn't work so well when the cam is so fuzzy.

*He will do anything to make me smile. See above for an example.

*Sometimes I think he knows me better than I know myself. I miss his insight and words of encouragement.

*I miss is arm under my pillow at night.

*Watching a movie at home is no fun without having him to snuggle with.

*As much as I'd rather grocery shop by myself to get it done quicker, I miss having him there to remind me of things that I forgot to add to my list.

*I miss sitting next to him in the passenger seat of the car and taking in the scenery as he drives.

*When the kids and I get new clothes, or anything new really, we like to show daddy one by one what we got. We are able to do that on the web cam occasionally, but it's not the same. Plus there's never time for a fashion show.

*I miss having his hand in mine while we're walking.

*He always comes up behind me for a hug while I'm doing the dishes or cooking. It aggravates me because when I'm doing something I just want to get it done, but I really wish he were here to distract me now.

*He takes really hot showers and steams up the bathroom so I have to wait till it cools off and the mirror unfogs to do my hair and makeup. I would give anything to have my mirror fog over and have to wait.

*For some reason I can't stand the shower curtain being open. He always forgets to close it. I would love to be able to remind him to shut it.

In all reality, I miss everything about him. I just have to keep reminding myself that God has a bigger plan for us and in order to reach His goals we must face this deployment head on and rely on God to get us through it. I'm reminded on a daily basis of how blessed I am to be able to spend my life with someone that loves me as much as my husband does. A deployment will put things in perspective and only make our relationship stronger. That has to be one of the reasons God is allowing us to go through this. I'm sure there are many more reasons that God hasn't revealed to us yet, but in time I know we will be able to look back and to see the bigger picture. As much as I would rather not have to be away from my husband, God knows best and He wouldn't put us through anything that we can't handle. I will use this year to reflect on my marriage and to find ways to make it even stronger and even better than it already is. As I go to bed every night and as I wake up every morning I will continue to thank God for my husband. I will continue to thank Him for this experience that I know will only make us stronger. God is great all the time and all the time God is great!

Fourteen Years and Going Strong

Fourteen years ago today I married my best friend. I married the man that regardless of anything never stops loving me. The man that can always make me laugh. The man that is always there for me to cry on his shoulder. The man that sometimes drives me completely nuts. The man that is always by my side. The man that I am privileged to grow old with.

Life hasn't always been easy and we haven't always seen eye to eye. We've faced many difficult times along with all the fun exciting times. Like any marriage it isn't always easy and we constantly have to work at it. The great thing is that we have done it all together. We have always overcome our obstacles to find that spark that it all started with in the beginning. Today, 14 years later, I can honestly say that we are even more in love than we have ever been. One of my favorite quotes is from my husband and I's favorite movie, "The Notebook". "So it's not gonna be easy. It's going to be really hard; we're gonna have to work at this everyday, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever, everyday. You and me... everyday." That quote fits my husband and I perfectly! However, as time has gone on, it really isn't as much work as it was in the beginning. Over time it gets easier and easier. We have come to appreciate our differences instead of trying to justify them. We've come to realize that it isn't worth it to make an issue out of the little things. The most important thing is that we're together and that one fact will never change.  

Today I choose to marry you,
For love is patient, love is kind.
Our love is strong and deep; unique,
Our hearts forever intertwined.
Today I shout "I DO! I DO!"

Today I take you as my spouse,
I'll be your partner, hold your hand.
We'll face tomorrow's challenges,
Together all things we'll withstand.
We'll build our castle, fill our house.

Today my life begins anew,
Today I shout for all to hear:
This is a union meant to be,
for all my life, for all my years,
Today I give my heart to you.

-Karen Burniston

Trinity,
I love you so much baby! I wish we could be together today. Thank you so much for the 14 beautiful red roses that arrived at our door this afternoon. I sat them on the table and I smile every time I look over at them. The words on the card are beautiful and they remind me of how blessed I am to spend my life with you. I love you more than all the circles that ever existed. Right now we are simply sleeping under the same stars, but soon we will be back under the same roof. I can't wait for that day. I miss you terribly. Happy Anniversary Baby, and a lifetime more to come! XOXOXO

All My Love,
Shawna

"Terrible Too's"

I love writing, so the fact that I haven't written anything on here lately surprises even me. I certainly haven't been lacking for things to say. The only thing I can figure is that the kids and I have been so busy that I've just shut down in some areas. When we're at home with nothing to do, like that happens very often, I just seem to sit in front of the t.v. to catch up on shows I've missed. If not that, I'm on the addicting website that everyone knows all to well, facebook. So anyhow, by the end of the day when the kids are finally tucked into bed I'm usually heading that way myself. Throughout the day I'm thinking of things to write, but by the end of the day when I have free time, my mind seems to shut down. Tonight however, I've started enforcing the dreaded school year bedtime. I now have a little time to myself in the evenings so maybe I'll start blogging a little more.

We had a guest speaker at church this morning and I'm really glad that my daughter made such a fuss about making sure we didn't miss church. The only reason we would have missed was because Tristan wasn't feeling well and I didn't really want to leave him here alone. I told that to Shay and she got tears in her eyes and started crying. She cries a lot in these emotion pre teen years so that was no surprise. Because of the reason for her tears though, I just couldn't make her stay home. Who wouldn't be over the top about having a child who would actually cry about missing church. Tristan was still sleeping and I knew he would most of the early afternoon after not sleeping all night so I knew he'd be fine. He could always call if he started feeling worse or if it was more of an emergency, we have many neighbors we can turn to.

Pastor Bruce Ho was our guest speaker today. His message was rather simple, "Trust God"! Sounds simple enough, that is until some crazy outlandish circumstance jumps in front of you and stares you down. Something that well known facts could totally prove wrong. He used the story of Elijah and the widow found in 1 Kings 8-16. God told Elijah to go to Zarephath where he had commanded a widow to give him food. This widow had a small child and not much else. She had only enough flour and oil to make on more meal of bread for herself and her child. She was ready to give up and die knowing that they would be out of food as soon as they ate this last meal. However, Elijah did as God told him and went to her and asked her to make him a cake of bread. Regardless of the facts, she had only enough to make one last meal for her and her son, she followed God and did as Elijah asked. In the end, God provided this widow with enough flour and oil to continue feeding herself, her child, and Elijah. Her bowl of flour was never emptied and her jar of oil never ran dry. For the full story you'll have to open your bible and read the reference above. The point of this story is that by simply trusting God everything will work out in our favor. Even if the facts point to other things, God can make it happen. He can lift us up above any fact to bless our life and to provide for us. All we have to do is look past the facts and trust in God!

He also talked about how we can rise above any circumstance in our life by trusting in God. His wife sang the song, don't know the exact name but it says, "God blessed the broken road that led me straight to you". I love that song by the way. After she sang, they told the story of how they met. I won't go into detail, but after breaking off an engagement, and 10 years of waiting to find that perfect guy that God had promised her, she finally met Bruce. She broke off the engagement because God was leading her down a different path and she heard Him tell her that he had a husband for her. She trusted what God had told her and waited 10 long years for her promise from God to become her reality. She never lost faith and even when she questioned why she hadn't met him yet, she continued to trust in what God had told her. Just three weeks ago, God followed through with his promise and they were married. She went through hard times and had many broken roads, but by trusting in God, everything worked out in their favor.

I love how Bruce said that we all go through the "terrible too's" when God is trying to tell us what he wants us to do. I know I'm a big culprit of that. We're always too tired, or too busy, or too broke, or too rich, or too this or too that. In reality, if God says to do something we aren't too anything. Nothing is too big for God. If He says it, He will do it. His word never changes, not the words in His Bible nor the words he whispers in our ears. When we do what he says, regardless of facts or circumstances, the results will be so much more than we could have ever imagined.

The message as a whole brought me back to this deployment we're going through. It reminded me that no matter how long some of our days may seem, there's a bigger purpose behind the entire circumstance. God has a purpose for taking my husband to another country for a while. He has a purpose for separating our family. If we just embrace the fact that God knows best, that He will get us through this storm in our lives, we will come out in the end as stronger individuals and as a stronger family. We just have to trust God with everything that we have and with everything that we are.

After church the girls and I made a quick stop at Wal-Mart, mainly for coffee filters because I'm almost out and can't live without my coffee, and came home to check on Tristan. He was feeling a little better and was ready to try to eat something. Since I completely forgot to get bread for toast, he decided on ramen noodles. Throughout the day he felt better and better. Tonight his throat is sore, but he'll be back to normal in no time. My kids hardly ever get sick so they don't know what to do with themselves when they are. Many times I really don't think it's quite as bad as they let on either, but I just go along with it.

This evening, Syd and I decided to go for a walk. It was more like a skate/run, but that's even better. I'll tell you what, keeping up with her on the skateboard wore me out. Going downhill was the worst. She would just stand on the board and let the wheels do the work. I, on the other hand, had to run twice as fast to keep up with her. I need to take her with me all the time. She mentioned tonight that she wants to go every night that we're not busy. Sounds like a good idea to me. Not only do we get exercise, but we get to spend time together too.

My husband called in the middle of my writing so it's getting pretty late now. I think I'll sign out and get myself to bed. Good night!

Three Months Down

Today marks three months since my husband left on that dreaded, horrible, ugly, white bus! It may not seem all that long because 3 is a pretty small number, but to me it's 3 months closer to being back in his arms. Instead of dwelling on the fact that he has been gone for 3 months, I rather look at it that he is 3 months closer to being home. I guess it just sounds better to me that way. More positive I suppose. I'm grateful that time has been ticking by so quickly. The kids and I do what we can to keep busy day by day. The more we have to do, the quicker the day comes to an end. It isn't that we want to wish time away. We enjoy our outings and have fun while we're busy, but at the end of the day we can mark one more day off the calendar. One more day closer to daddy!

As we all know, when our spouse is gone something is bound to go wrong at some point. It may not be a huge disaster, but even something minor that just makes us wish he were home to deal with it. You all know from earlier posts that I've already had an ordeal with my truck. I ran over a thorn, they kind of fixed it but not really, and in the end I had to get a new tire. It took a wonderful friend changing my tire for me and two very long trips to the mechanic to get it done, but it ended up being an easy fix. Last night when we went out to the truck after Shay's hula class, my truck decided to give me more problems. The battery decided it had worked enough over the years and it needed a break. I'm so thankful to my husband for making sure I have an emergency kit in my truck that includes jumper cables. Shay's teacher kindly pulled her car up to my truck to help me out. Unfortunately it didn't work. My battery was corroded and so was hers. A good friend lives just up the street from where we were so I called her for help. She brought her husbands truck over and we got the cables all hooked up. Who said women can't solve any problem on their own?! Okay, here's the rest of the story. Her neighbor, who happens to be a guy, stopped by for added support. Okay, we let him take over. HeHe However, I can guarantee you that we would have done it on our own if we would have had to. There's no problem too big for an Army Wife! All said and done, my truck is now running again and he even was so kind as to clean off the battery for me. It looks like I'll be buying a new battery in the near future. I hope my truck enjoys his early Christmas present. HeHe I'm so overly thankful for my amazing friends who are willing to come to my rescue. Life is so much easier, especially during a deployment, when you have people going through it with you!

I spent my morning making phone calls to get everything taken care of before school starts in three weeks. My kids all need their physicals updated for CYS, they all need eye appts which I still need to make, and I needed to figure out where on earth my youngest would be going to school this year. The doctor apps are scheduled, I finally found a number to the optometrist so I can schedule that tomorrow, and I am happy to report that my daughter will be able to stay on post next year. I'm still uncertain on which school she will attend, but at least I know she'll be on post. That is such a relief to me. It will make it way easier to get all three of them to and from school with no added expense or having to rely on someone else for help. If you know me, you know that I don't like having to rely on others and I prefer to just do things on my own if at all possible. So... I called Wheeler, my preferred school since it's right next to the middle school and they told me they don't do their GE's until a week before the start of school. That's a little late in the game for having to get school supplies, but I'll take my chances. When I got off the phone with them, I called Solomon. That's where Syd attended last year. She was there on a GE so I didn't know if it would carry over or if I had to submit another one. Fortunately it does carry over. Once a school accepts a GE it continues to carry over throughout the years unless that child is always in trouble and the school decides to pull the GE. I'm certain that won't be a problem. We're still going to wait to see if she can get into Wheeler, but I'm okay with either of the schools. Getting them all to school on my own worked out last year so I know it will work out again this year. Praise God for answered prayers!

Month number four is going to be here in no time with everything we have going on this month. Between rock band, hula, theater, cooking class, church camp, big r movie night, church, family day at church, practice for family day performance, doctor appointments, small group, and hopefully eye appointments, we will be pretty busy. I might add that Shay is performing a hula dance this Sunday and Syd is singing. She even has a solo. She's so excited to finally be able to sing in front of an audience instead of just in the shower. HeHe

Cheers to three months down and just six more to go until R&R! I can't wait to see you baby! I miss you and love you soooooooo much!

Personal Goals

If you remember earlier postings, I talked a little about how I'm the girl that doesn't say no. I have a hard time letting people down and I've recently come to the conclusion that it's because I don't want anyone to be mad at me. People can be brutal and a lot of times if a person gets mad they go to their other friends and tell them just how awful you are. They expect them, as their friend, to side with them simply because they are mad and things didn't go their way. All to often, that's exactly what happens and then you have even more people mad at you. I've too many times been the one that had to listen to these complains. (This is what many adults call high school behavior. Personally I really don't get that statement, because it happens in adult life more often than high school so maybe teens should call it adult behavior.)  I didn't want the complaints to actually be about me, though I'm quite sure it happened. In turn, I've been the one that went to a friend to vent too so why that concerned me, I have no idea at all. On the flip side of things, I believe it's okay to go to a friend with your problems and process through them. We all need someone to talk to when we're frustrated or irritated. However, there's a distinct difference between processing life and expecting the other person to take sides. In the greater scheme of things the only thing that really matters is what God thinks of me. It's not the opinions of others. Too bad I couldn't have put that into motion a long time ago!

God created us all equal, that's a true statement. However, He did not create us to all be alike. We all have our different ways of handling disappointment, different things that make us happy, different ways of raising our kids, and the list goes on. Who's to say that one persons way is better than another. In reality it's not better, simply different. Who are we to judge. I realize we're also all human and in reality we do judge others. Everyone has. If you saw a guy walking down the street with multiple rings, covered in black from head to toe, and his pants riding down below his butt, would you not do a double take and wonder "What is his problem" or "What was he thinking leaving his house like that". Of course you would. However, that person could be the kindest person you have ever met. A person that hasn't been in trouble a day in his life. You just don't know.

That last paragraph was a little off subject so I'll get back to it. I've always known this, but it finally became reality to me, after hearing our pastor speak on boundaries, that I too have boundaries. I have all to often let people cross those boundaries. What he said about becoming bitter with the person that crosses our personal boundaries, rings very true. However, when a person like me can't seem to say no, the boundaries get crossed time and time again. Once a person learns they can always come to you and know that your answer will always be yes, they will continue to come to you on a regular basis. That's no ones fault but my own. If I had learned the power of no to begin with, the problem wouldn't have existed to begin with. However on the other hand I feel that a person who really cares wouldn't put you in that situation to begin with. People need help sometimes. We all do. I get that. I'm happy to help out too. Please don't take this as me not wanting to help anyone ever at all. That's certainly not the case. I feel good when I'm able to be there for someone and to help them out. That's what we're here for, to live life together and to be there for one another. Sometimes however, it's just not a good time. Sometimes we go the distance so much and actually put ourselves out there, simply because we're afraid to say no, that it interferes with our family, our finances or even our sanity. Then there are those times that it's not a need you are asked for, simply a convenience. A convenience that the person could do on their own, but they don't because they know you will say yes. There is usually more than one option to solve a problem and if I need to say no than it's okay. I have realized that there are other options for people if they look for them. I don't have to feel bad because I have something else planned or I just don't feel right doing what's asked of me.

I'm still working on it, but I must say that I'm getting better at saying no. It's amazing how many friends I have that stand beside me and that actually don't get mad when I say no. Friends that completely understand and that actually push me to better myself and to accomplish my goals as an individual. To them I say a big THANK YOU! Thank you for your words of encouragement, thank you for allowing me to say no, and thank you for just being you! I'm calmer with my kids when things aren't stressful, I have more time for them, and my family as a whole gets along so much better. There will be bumps in the road I'm sure, and people that don't understand why I have to say no and stand up for myself and my family. That's okay. They just think differently than me and that's fine. To be a better wife and mom I feel I need to devote more time to my family without the stress of so many unnecessary obligations that pull me away from them.

So for my next goal in life, I plan to continue on making wise decisions and knowing when to say yes and when to say no, along with devoting more time to my family. My kids are individuals themselves, with different personalities and different ways of doing things. I want to enter their worlds a little more and understand them on a deeper level. Hopefully in this process, they will come to understand each other a little more and accept that things aren't always black and white.

Air Force Brat to Army Wife

On this independence day, I first want to say thank you to my dad and my husband for their service to our great country. I'm thankful to all of our military, in every branch, for the sacrifices they make in order for us to be a free nation.

I grew up enduring many days, weeks, and even months, of separation from my dad while he was traveling around the world with the air force. Fortunately those periods of separation weren't as long as many of our military families face today and his job didn't require him to be on the front lines, but for a young child, even those shorter periods of time seem like years. I remember many nights crawling into my mom's bed to fill that empty spot where my dad was suppose to be. I remember the phone calls he made to check on us and to make sure we were all doing okay. I also remember all the t-shirts and trinkets he would bring home for us from around the world. My dad was in the Air National Guard so we didn't have to move around at all. My sister and I grew up going to the same schools with the same friends clear through high school. I really think that experience growing up was just one of God's steps to prepare me for the life I now have as an Army wife, raising three Army kids.

It's a lot different for my kids than it was for me growing up. In the 6 years we've been in the army, they've already faced two pcs moves, two lengthy deployments, weeks of daddy being away for training, and currently our third deployment. I'm so thankful that God made our kids so resilient and so willing for change. They handle everything that our Army life throws at us with so much courage and strength. They embrace the changes, even through the difficult times of saying goodbye to daddy and saying goodbye to the friends they've made as we pcs to another station. They don't like the goodbyes, no one does, but they are always looking forward to the welcome homes and to making new friends. They always stay so positive and focus on the good things that are to come. From day one of daddy stepping on the ugly white bus they talk about what we will do for him when he comes home. During both of our moves, they have all made new friends from day one of being in our new place. That may be one of the benefits of living on post too. There are kids everywhere that are willing to welcome their new Army friends in with open arms. After all, they were that new kid once and will be again one day as they too move on to another station.

To the general public it may seem like a lot to go through. They may wonder why we put ourselves out there and actually volunteer for this lifestyle. There are many reasons that a soldier joins the service. Maybe it's to get help in furthering their education after high school. Maybe it's just to prove that they can do it. Maybe it's to carry on a family tradition. Maybe it's for the stability the military provides or the benefits that come along with it. Regardless of the initial reason they join, it's always for their country. It's always to stand up for the rights of our American citizens. It's always to protect our freedom and our way of life. As for the families, we voluntarily welcome this life with open arms because we too love our great country. What's greater than that, we love our soldiers with all our hearts and we would do anything to stand beside them. We will go the distance, no matter what that entails, to be sure our soldier have the strongest support system while deployed, or while away at training, and even when they're home. We will endure uncertainty, separation, anxiety, loneliness... Just to be able to spend our lives with the one person that God has created just for us. The one person that takes a piece of our heart no matter the distance between us!

Just remember as independence day has come and gone, that our troops are fighting for our freedoms every day. Let's not only pay tribute to them on those specific days we have set aside throughout the year, but honor them in our day to day lives. Keep them in your daily prayers, give them a hug, say thank you, or even just simply nod your head at them and smile. They are very humble in what they do, but in their hearts, those kind gestures make a world of difference. God Bless America and God Bless Our Military!

F.R.O.G.

I'm usually that girl that can make myself hold it together in most circumstances. I don't like to show emotion, I hate for people to see me cry, and I prefer people to think that I'm always doing just fine. Usually that just works for me and I'm sure to some extent I'll always be that way. That's just who I am. This weekend however, I've been really having a hard time holding it together. Not an easy thing for me to admit and if you were to walk up to me and ask, I would tell you we're doing great. If I'm doing great there's no reason to cry, no reason to be angry, no reason to show any emotion other than happiness. I don't think emotions are a weakness by any means, but I prefer to be happy so I force myself to be. Unfortunately, happiness is not at the front of my mind right now.

This past weekend I learned that a very good friend of ours, more like family to us, was injured in Afghanistan. I'm not going to include any details because it's not my place, but this affected me more than I could have ever thought. I know being married to a soldier and having so many military friends that it's a possibility for something to happen to someone I love, but knowing that and having it become reality are two different things. It's not something anyone can prepare themselves for. After six years of military life and two full deployments behind us, I haven't personally known any soldier that has been injured or worse. Maybe it made the back of my mind a little naive to think that anything could happen to someone I love. Reality really hits hard when it does. These emotions come to the surface that I couldn't suppress no matter how hard I try. I haven't even told our kids yet because I can't hold it together enough. I know how much they love him and it's going to really hit them hard too. Plus I don't want this to worry them even more about their daddy being gone. This is an occasion when I'm going to have to Fully Rely On God to give me the words to explain this to them. I'm going to have to pray that He can make our kids understand and that He can bring peace to their hearts, as well as mine and my husbands. What's worse is that my husband and I don't have each other to lean on right now. I know as a soldier he is fully aware of the risks, not only to himself but his friends. I also know how close he is to this soldier and that he's also hurting inside. I would give anything to be there for him and to hold him close. It makes it that much harder for me that it's impossible for me to be there. This is just another instance when I have to Fully Rely On God to comfort him and to bring peace to his heart. I believe that God allows things to happen to us for a reason and that He will always bring us through it if we turn to Him. I know that God has bigger and brighter plans for our friend and I Fully Rely On God to take care of our friend and to help him recover. No matter how much I wish I could be there next to my friend, my husband, and even my children and to make it all better, I do know the best thing I can do is to turn it all over to God and let him take control of everything. There really isn't anything I can do about any of it no matter how much I wish there was. The best thing to do is to let go and let God.

On top of all of this tonight my daughter got her heart broken once again. All she wanted to do was play with her friends and once again I found her sitting outside crying. It just breaks my heart that this happens to her every time she goes out to play. She tries so hard to play with everyone and to be friends with everyone, but it seems that's just not possible and it only gets her feelings hurts. She's frequently been told "If you're my friend you can't be her friend", "If you play with her I won't like you anymore", "Play with me or I won't be your friend"... You get the picture. I've even personally heard one of the girls out my window saying mean things to another one of her friends about my daughter, but then she went and denied it to her mom. That wasn't too long after we moved in so I let it go and didn't want to start anything as the new family in the neighborhood. I try and try to just stay out of it and let them work it out because how else will they learn. My thinking was that if I continually step in that would only make it worse and it would make my girls think they can always rely on me to make it better instead of learning how to deal with it on their own. I won't always be there to make it better so they have to learn. Tonight was the last straw for me. After over a year of dealing with this, I'm completely and utterly done with it. I'm so thankful for a daughter that can forgive and forget and go right out and play some more, but a person shouldn't have to deal with the same thing over and over. Forgiving doesn't mean you have to go and put yourself right back into that same situation time and time again. It's time for her to move on. It makes it that much harder that she gets along with most of them but when one specific kid comes out everything falls apart. It seems everyone competes to be her friend. She's the one I heard being mean so I just can't figure all of that out. I'm sad that my daughter will have to stay inside or go somewhere else to play because she treasures her friends, but enough is enough and it's time this ends. God will bring other friends into her life that will treat her with kindness no matter the situation. I just have to Fully Rely On God to help her understand and to help her make the right choices. I believe that God brings people into our lives for a reason or a season. Some become true forever friends and sometimes it's intended for us to move on. It's a hard lesson for a little girl to learn, but God will guide her through.

As your reading this, please take a minute to say a prayer for our friend, for my husband, for my kids, and even for me. I'm going to choose to go to bed tonight counting all my blessings and praising God for everything in our lives, including our heartache and trials. There's a reason behind it all and this too shall pass. God is good all the time and He will never change!